by Molon Labe on 23/02/16 at 7:33 am
Ottawa, Canada – (satireworld.com)
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Trump supporters are prompting an exodus among Bernie Saunders’ supporters who fear they’ll soon be required to become responsible citizens once Bernie Saunders is finally given his walking papers after the 2016 election.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists, writers with limited talent, secular Jews, and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders New York state. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Canada erected higher fences, but the Bernie-bots scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The Bernie-bots still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet the Saunders crowd near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.
“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though.”
When the Socialist-wannabees are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where the liberal-minded Bernie-bots will be forced to drink domestic beer, listen to country music, and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, ‘The Bots’ (as they are now called) have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” a resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”
Dr. Nils Admirili, mayor of a small town near Toronto says, “where did the US get so many cry babies? First thing they demand is a free cell phone, internet service, and free drugs.”
In an effort to ease tensions between the US and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the Administration would take steps to reassure northward trekking liberals that ‘everything will work out fine’.
A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some free Pete Seegar, Simon and Garfunkel, and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.
Satireworld will keep readers posted as the Northern drama unfolds.