by Bargis Tryhol on 16/07/16 at 7:59 am
Blountstown, FL – (satireworld.com)
The Blountstown Chamber of Commerce released its newest report on the recent discover of massive gold deposits that have placed the once sleepy Florida Panhandle town on the map of richest places to live in America. Chamber President Cletus Moore included in the report of 87 locals who are newly-made millionaires. The individuals have struck it rich by finding substantial gold deposits on once played out agricultural land that in some cases have been in family hands for generations.
Lifelong Blountstown resident Leroy Jones,28, worked long hours at the Potty Shack septic company and tried to eek out a small living from an acre of turnip greens on his family’s small plot of land. That lifestyle changed this past January when his boot stumbled over a rock in his plantings. Once he pulled it up with his hoe, he was surprised to discover a gold nugget that weighed an astounding 38+ ounces! In a few weeks of digging and scraping Jones was able to gather up almost $1,750,000 worth of gold nuggets.
According to the Chamber of Commerce report, other Blountstown residents have been lucky too. Including 11 year old twins Lionel and Taffy Harrison who found a substantial amount of gold while digging a ‘fort’ near Shandler’s Creek.
“Those two boys have college already paid for,” says Moore who proudly held up a Miami Herald newspaper clipping showing the boys holding a handful of Blountstown nuggets.
Perhaps the most bizarre story of rags to riches concerns 87 year old Mae Gilbert who for almost fifty years used a ‘plain old garden rock’ to hold open her screen door. It turns out her visiting nephew Elmer Bradshaw, a recent graduate of Florida State’s Geology Department took one look and surprised his aunt with ‘golden news’!
According to Forbes Magazine, Blountstown Florida is on track to have the largest increase in new millionaire residents since the discover of Spindletop oil in east Texas way back in 1910.