by Bargis Tryhol on 23/03/11 at 6:38 amHyannisport.MA-(SatireWorld.com)
Workers at the Oldsmobile Memorial Cemetary in Hyannisport Massachusetts were busy today placing 30 ton concrete blocks upon the gravesite of one of the Democratic party’s most revered Senators…Senator Ted Kennedy!
In lieu of his home state's turn-about in terms of electing a lightweight female airhead to fill the Senator's vacancy due to his death from a brain tumor, the body of dear old Ted was found to be spinning at speeds up to 1,200 RPM, disturbing other interned persons in nearby plots.
Cemetary spokesman, Delbert Finch, first heard the low rumbling when reports of President Barack Obama’s dipping polls showed concerns that the Democratic party’s hold over voters was slipping.
"The ground was vibrating so bad we had to have to have it examined by a sonar imaging system, " claims Finch.
The images generated by the sonar device showed the dead, but still fat, Senator spinning so fast that his facial images were a complete blur. Complaints from relatives in neighboring burial plots motivated the cemetary staff to place weights on the ex-Senator's gravesite.
"I guess we'll keep them there until after the 2012 elections. I have a feeling old Teddy will be imitating a spinning top by that time."
Reports that Massachusetts Power and Light were going to harness ‘Spinning Ted’ for needed power during the recent low weather temperatures and connect him to the grid were erroneous, says Al Gore who instructed aides to find a way to convert the Senator’s spinning and the vast amounts of methane he was emitting into a usable power source.
Workers had extra weights available just in case the late Senator gets word of the problems unions are facing nationwide.