by Bargis Tryhol on 07/05/13 at 8:31 amWashington DC – (SatireWorld.com)
At the annual dinner and speech fest for House Democratic hopefulls who will be throwing their hats in the ring during the upcoming 2014 mid-term elections, Vice President Joe Biden offered them a few tips on how to solidify the Democrastic base…Raise a few new taxes!
Several new taxation options were proposed but one seemed to garner the most support from House hopefuls…A tax on happiness.
According to the Vice President, Americans are happy people who just love taxes. “We need to give them a week or two of really great news, like we did with Bin Laden’s killing, then while they’re feeling all smiley we tax the crap out of ’em!”
In the time of hefty sequestering and across the board cuts in spending, Democrats everywhere are describing themselves as feeling diminished, even going through withdrawal symptoms as loose monies dry up for pet projects and existing social programs expansions.
Several Congressional prospects voiced their support for taxing happiness and were supported by Alan Grayson (D-FL) who voiced his feelings about having too much happiness and not enough taxation…” If people weren’t a little more miserable, what would they have to talk about? You never hear people say..’Oh! I’m so happy I could just crap my shorts!’ Hell no! I say, give ’em something to bitch about! That’s what America is all about, right?”
Another Florida representative voiced her opinion about a Happiness Tax, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) said, my husband always says he’s happiest when I’m away working in Washington and would gladly contribute more taxes,”
Biden elaborated about how Happiness Taxation would work. “Look, everyone smiles alot, right? So we figure the average American smiles about 15 times a day, more on Christmas and holidays so we tax then at about a dollar-a-smile. This would raise revenues by about $144.5 billion dollars a year! So, in order to increase it more we have our friends in entertainment and television make funnier movies and add more laugh tracks to sitcoms!”
EDITOR’s NOTE: Here at SatireWorld, we refuse to partricipate in any new taxation. If the Happiness Tax Initiative is successful in passage, we will only write serious stories about child murders, corruption in Congress, Taliban beheadings, eyewitness abortion testimonies, and several stories about the girth of Michelle’s ass.