Sec. John Kerry…’Army’s First All Gay Brigade Deploying To Help Iraq Repel ISIS Forces’

by on 25/06/14 at 9:37 am

During a recent field exercise, Fighting 69th General Angus Genitalia II  performs a 'short arm inspection' on a new recruit atthe San Francisco induction station.

During a recent field exercise, Fighting 69th General Angus Genitalia II performs a ‘short arm inspection’ on a new recruit at Ft Campbell.

Sgt. Francis Davenmore enlisted in the Fighting 69th to become a hairstylist or an interior decorator. So far he's helped decorating several Afghanistan caves.

Sgt. Francis Davenmore enlisted in the Fighting 69th to become a hairstylist or an interior decorator. So far he’s helped decorate several Afghanistan caves which he called ‘icky’ in his report.

This might get interesting really fast.

This might get interesting really fast.


Secretary of State John Kerry lived up to his promise by including gay and lesbian soldiers as part of the State Department’s security outreach program where gay, lesbian, and transgendered security employees will be dispatched to trouble spots around the globe. The Fighting 69th Brigade has begun to land troops at an undisclosed location in Iraq along with their equipment and transportation needs

Sources say Kerry was feeling political pressure from the mostly gay and liberal White House where sources say, Obama wanted a greater and more visible role for gay troops. In 2012, the US Army formed the first all homosexual fighting brigade under a directive from the Pentagon. Called the ‘Fighting Sodomite Brigade,’ these special units will be tasked with clearing failed ordnance, or dud bomb inspections, mine clearing, firing up latrine crap tubs, and bomb disposal operations. They have been originally assigned to Afganistan, but today have received orders to move out to Iraq.

General Carmen ‘Boy’ George, commanding general of the gay brigade, unfurled a banner which read…‘Death From Behind’ He promised his troops will get to the head of things promptly, “My boys won’t be simply dicking around anymore.”

In Baghdad, Iraqi troops were mortified when over 5,000 pink camoflauged infidel homosexuals arrived and set foot on Iraqi soil. First press releases today erroneously suggested the troops were quartered in a mosque. The false report so upset the ISIS’s Sunni soldiers that they began slapping their heads with each other’s knives, beating themselves with chains until they bled, Finally, enraged suicide bombers started setting off their bomb vests anywhere including inside ISIS headquarters.

Seeing the spectacular results of the The Fighting Sodomite’s first two days in country, General George gave the OK to have the boys create a transgender drag club out of the mosque to further infuriate the Sunni fighters.

General George has high hopes for his troopers while in Iraq. “If the fighting gets really intense I promise my boys will leave no man’s behind!”

In other news…

The Pentagon has issued orders that in the spirit of the new, all inclusive Army, that the word ‘headquarters’ will not be used any longer since it’s a derogatory name associated with a sexual act. The Army Division promises it will spend upwards of $77 million budget dollars researching a suitable replacement in lieu of upgrading ballistic plates in personal battle armor.

Attention! First Army has sent a reminder to all unit commanders that future uniform accessories such as purses, garter belts, and training bras must be US sourced material and be available in olive drab, or various pink-camo schemes as of 24July16.

Navy brass has warned its submarine fleet personnel that holiday activities on board all fast attack boats must include special activities as deemed appropriate by the unit’s LGBT Liason Officer (LLO) assigned to each boat. For the popular Fall Festival celebrations the head steward will be responsible to provide and set up a tub for the popular ‘bobbing-for-dildoes’ event that has shown a popularity with seamen since the relaxation of gender specific activities on board all Navy ships.

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