President Draws Analogy Between Mission in Iraq, Personal Schedule

by on 11/08/14 at 12:43 pm

Plus, we'll get more stupid foreign policy decisions too

Plus, we’ll get more stupid foreign policy decisions too

Washington D.C. – (

President Obama today told the nation the latest mission to slow down terror group Islamic State in Iraq will mirror his own personal schedule as President. He said airstrikes would remain limited but the fight could go on for some time.

The President elaborated slightly, “The best way to put it is this way…airstrikes will be limited, uh, much like my actual work as President. In addition, the mission could go on for some time, much like my vacationing!”

The President tried to make a joke out of the analogy but he was the only one in the room laughing. Members of the press quietly stared back at the President.

“Let me be clear,” the President said, quickly changing tone, “You all know I’ve already ‘checked out’ of my presidency. I’m just planning on phoning in the rest of my second term. That’s no secret.”

“Now, if somebody else wants to do all the hard stuff, be my guest. I ran for president to attend fundraisers, hang out with A-List celebs, and golf my ass off. If any of you want to get your hands dirty with this Middle East stuff, go right ahead.”

When pressed from a reporter as to who was running the country at this time, Mr. Obama remarked, “Hell, I don’t know. My pen and phone I guess. Lord knows Biden couldn’t handle the job!”

With that remark, the press burst out laughing and the President’s demeanor quickly changed back to one of smiles and feeling loose again.

“Now, if you guys will excuse me, Michelle is texting me to get my ass out of here at once. Trust me, you do not want to deal with that woman when she’s hungry or late for leaving on a fancy, high dollar, taxpayer-funded vacation!”

Suddenly, Vice President Biden entered from backstage and, looking confused, asked, “Why were you all talking about Iraq? What’s going on in Iraq? I just heard someone say my name. Were you guys talking about me?”

2 Responses to “President Draws Analogy Between Mission in Iraq, Personal Schedule”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Aug 11th, 2014

    President Obama (Clueless in Chief) needs a golfing vacation, as it’s hard work continuously screwing-up the country domestically and foreign policy wise!

    Rain has been predicted for Martha’s Vineyard MA in the next two week and healthy eating Michelle won’t let Barack go to 5 Guys for Jalapeno Cheeseburgers.

    The president may actually have to come back to the White House for a change of clothes, to play golf in Maryland and to sneak over to Virginia for 5 Guys Jalapeno Cheeseburgers, while leaving Michelle in Martha’s Vineyard!

  2. captain america

    Aug 11th, 2014

    ….heavy rain predicted for Wednesday and Valerie is pissed cuz
    once again he forgot his rubbers for ‘date night’….(it’s all those body fluids from that Kenya EBOLA stuff….)

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