New Clinton Baby Already Bossing People Around, Whining Like a Liberal

by on 29/09/14 at 1:49 pm

At first, the thought crossed grandma Hillary's mind about a quick disposal, but the thought of voter anger changed her mind.

After the first look at Charlotte, the thought crossed grandma Hillary’s mind about a quick disposal, but the thought of voter anger changed her mind.

Baby Charlotte aleady peed on a secret service agent, had a screaming jag at 4AM when Chelsea missed a breastfeed, and wtrote her name in diaper-dumplings on Hillary's white coat.

Baby Charlotte aleady peed on a secret service agent, had a screaming jag at 4 AM when Chelsea missed a breastfeed, and wrote her name in diaper-dumplings on Hillary’s white coat.

New York City – (satireworld.com)

Just days after entering the world, the latest addition to the Clinton clan is showing attributes the former first family adores. Charlotte Clinton, third in line for the Clinton crown, has apparently learned the classic traits of crying when she doesn’t get her way, screaming when she wants something, and leaving shit everywhere for others to clean up.

There is still confusion among many as to why mother Chelsea didn’t choose to abort the baby, which would have fully empowered her as a feminist and also bolstered her future political career, a la Wendy Davis. But the child escaped the abortionist’s knife and must now face a life in politics whether she wants to or not.

Insiders believe the birth benefits Mrs. Clinton’s grandmotherly image for a potential 2016 presidential run more than an abortion would have helped Chelsea’s future ambitions, so the choice of an abortion was ruled out due to these political calculations.

Grandfather Bill is thrilled with the early liberal behavior exhibited by the newest Clinton but has concerns as any good grandfather would. “I’m happy with what I’ve seen so far – wanting everything all for herself, making everything ‘all about her’, making everyone around her miserable when she’s not happy – but I worry about how good of a liar she’s going to be.”

“Lying is a very important to our family and, no matter how much money she might be born into, if she can’t lie well she won’t go far in life, and certainly won’t be able to carry on the Clinton legacy in politics.” The elder Clinton moaned. “But there’s still time. We can teach her how to lie or, there’s always the hope that when she grows up she could marry a liar. That’s the next best thing.”

“I also think it’s creepy what some have been saying in the tabloids,” Bill complained. “Some say I hope the kid is a real looker and stuff like that. That’s sick. I just hope her friends are HOT!”

Nurses at the hospital confirm Charlotte’s constant babbling and incoherent rants makes them feel like they are listening to a keynote speech at the Democratic National Convention.  In fact, members of the Clinton team have already placed calls to President Obama asking him to replace Debbie Wasserman-Schultz with the new baby, telling the president, “Charlotte makes more sense than Debbie and already has her beat on looks!”

As we left the hospital, Hillary was reading the baby a bedtime story about how the cow couldn’t jump over the moon due to EPA regulations. Charlotte Clinton is well on her way.



4 Responses to “New Clinton Baby Already Bossing People Around, Whining Like a Liberal”

  1. Bargis

    Sep 29th, 2014

    Perfect!

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Sep 29th, 2014

    Former President Obama wll be available to provide lying lessons in 2.3 years.

  3. Captain america

    Sep 29th, 2014

    …..have you seen the cute plastic lined pants suit?

    Piece right on point!

  4. Walter Bucket

    Sep 30th, 2014

    $1.00 gift already made $100,000 on stock market.

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