by E. Williams on 04/10/14 at 6:03 am
Midland, TX – (satireworld.com)
Tensions are rising throughout the Wilson clan, based in this west Texas city, as the upcoming marriage of Wilson son, Karl, to one Meredith Barker, from nearby Odessa, threaten to turn the longtime Republican family blue for the first time in decades. The wedding will take place in about a month and family members are already sizing up which side of the aisle will be more crowded. Counting extended family, the union threatens the balance of power in the Wilson family.
“Our family has been Republican as long as I can remember!” shouted an angry Wilson elder, father, Ron Wilson, 60. “I’m not about to let my son marry some feminist, gender studies chick and turn this family blue! There’s still time for my son to come to his senses. We’re working on him pretty hard these days, trying to get him to change his mind.”
Karl’s brother, Kevin, said it’s going to be a tough battle but he’s not giving up. “I can’t lie, seeing the family go blue would really hurt Dad. I still feel good about our chances to stay red though. Even if Karl marries Meredith, I’m hearing from solid sources that my sister-in-law Julia is sleeping around on our other brother, David, and, if they divorce, that would tip the balance back to the red side. So we’ve got that going for us.”
Karl’s mother, Pam, told us she thinks her son is just whipped. “He’s a young man. It’s hard for him to say no to her. And she’s very adamant about her left-of-center views. Meredith is so cute, you know, except for that whole ‘voting for Obama’ thing. I know he’s conflicted because he wants to keep his family happy but, come on, have you seen the ass on that girl?!”
Pam was right as we noticed Meredith was built like a brick house and, even if she was ugly on the inside, the first ten years or so of their marriage might be alright. They might make the mistake of having a child or two and then divorce, thus restoring the Wilson family safely back in the red column for years to come. Good luck kids!