by E. Williams on 23/10/14 at 5:41 am
WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)
17 year-old White House spokesman Josh Earnest faced blistering questions today about rumors the US was coordinating with Iraq to send in ground troops to push back terror group ISIS. The stories were immediately met with surprise and indignation from reporters in the press room after previously reporting the US would not be putting boots on the ground in the Middle East.
“No, that’s not what the President said,” Earnest replied when answering a reporter’s question about the subject. “The President plainly said, ‘No BOOZE on the ground.’ He may have been tired that day or you may have just misheard what he said.”
“I don’t think we all misheard,” the reported retorted. “That’s what we all reported – NO BOOTS ON THE GROUND. How could we have all gotten that wrong?”
“Look, you guys get stuff wrong all the time. Like when the President was at a campaign rally, and someone remarked how good the burgers were, and the President told the person, ‘You didn’t grill that!’ You guys went out there and misquoted him and people made fun of him for months! Then there was the time the President said, ‘If you like our doctor, you can keep our doctor. Period.’ It’s just one little letter, a little y in front of ‘our’ but you guys screwed it up and it turned into a national joke.”
“I’m going to have to see if Obamacare covers hearing aids for all of you. You all need to pay more attention to getting the details right,” Earnest said.
“Now, the President has always felt that our fighting men and women do a better job when they’re not hammered. So he was very clear that there would be no booze on the ground in the fight against ISIS. If we do allow our generals to imbibe a little now and then, we will drop alcohol from the air. That should clear up any confusion on this topic. We never make mistakes.”
Earnest then left the press briefing room for recess and to have pudding snacks with his friends on the playground.