by E. Williams on 13/11/14 at 6:41 am
WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)
Round two of the Obamacare sign-ups is upon us and many Americans are wary of logging on because of the unprecedented clusterf*@k the website proved to be last year. The roll out in 2013 proved to be one of the biggest exhibits of incompetence ever seen by any administration, ever. Something had to change.
This year, testers who have been working on the system and trying it out in advance of the public open enrollment period say the system has taken on many of the traits of its namesake, Obamacare.
One anonymous programmer told us, “I tried to log off after a session recently and the screen said ‘Where are you going? You’re not going to find a better deal out there. Higher premiums are your duty as an American!’ It was in ALL CAPS and using exclamation points. I thought it was very rude.”
“Another session, I was trying to change plans I picked and the system told me, ‘You don’t want to do that. Trust me, I know what’s best for you. You’ll take the first plan and be grateful.’ It really can be a pain in the ass sometimes!”
While we were there, we asked the programmer if they would give us a live demonstration. After logging in, the screen immediately lit up with, “What’s HE doing here? I told you no media! I bet you’re a Republican, aren’t you?! Where’s Valerie? Where’s my Teleprompter?” Then the system just shut down, like it was pouting. The programmer pointed at the screen and said, “He’s always got to make it all about him.”
Finally, we were able to log back on and were offered different plans depending on whether someone was black or white. When I asked what difference that made, the programmer told me, “The system favors blacks over whites. If you put in that you are a white, christian conservative who identifies with the Tea Party, you’ll pay the highest premiums.”
I immediately pointed out that this was unfair. Suddenly, the screen lit up with, “I don’t really give a shit.”