by E. Williams on 18/11/14 at 5:30 am
WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)
Fresh off video evidence he called Americans “too stupid to understand Obamacare,” Jonathan Gruber is turning his attention to embarrassing and insulting Middle East terrorist group ISIS. “The President thought I did such a bang-up job belittling the American voter that he wants me to take cheap shots at ISIS too,” Gruber said.
“Unfortunately, those fellows in ISIS don’t recognize how critically important climate change is. So we will have to push legislation through the United Nations that will affect territories they currently hold in the Middle East. We know better than they do when it comes to the weather so we will dupe them just like we did with Americans on healthcare.”
A near-mummified Nancy Pelosi has already chimed in on the situation saying, “The UN will have to push climate change regulations through, uh, to find out what climate change is.”
Gruber hinted at some of the false information he will use to get passage of the climate change legislation:
– A 3% increase in CO2 in the Middle East will cause ISIS fighters to feel more sluggish from the heat and result in a 10% drop off in honor killings.
– Camel emissions must be curtailed by 20% over the next ten years or all Muslim women will have to trade their burqas for bikinis.
– If warming is not stopped immediately, polar ice caps will melt and force their goats to flee to higher ground.
“I’m still coming up with bullshit, like I did with healthcare,” Gruber said, “And I’m just getting started! Fortunately, I’m the smartest asshole in the world so this should be a walk in the park.”