by E. Williams on 19/01/15 at 7:15 am
PARIS – (satireworld.com)
In the wake of the Charlie Hebdo killings, and other terrorist attacks in France recently, John Kerry, the lamest Secretary of State in US history, has joined forces with musical artists to go wherever a problem arises around the world, sing a song, and make it all better. The fact that he shows up five days late to the parade of world leaders in France only solidifies his lameness.
Singer James Taylor was the first artist to be featured in the John Kerry Mystery Musical Tour. Taylor sang his hit song You’ve Got A Friend to the French people and already a warm and fuzzy feeling has enveloped the nation. Many said after hearing Taylor perform, “Charlie who?” Such is the power of Kerry’s diplomatic prowess.
Next up, Kerry will travel to Nigeria with Paul McCartney and Wings to sing Live and Let Die to the people living under the fear of slaughter from the Boko Haram terror group. Gloria Gaynor will open for McCartney, singing her hit song I Will Survive to refugees in the area.
After leaving Africa, Kerry will head to Afghanistan with Blue Oyster Cult where they will sing Don’t Fear the Reaper to Christians living under the constant fear of punishment from Taliban rule. The music should alleviate the fear most live under on a daily basis in that region.
Finally, Kerry and members of the Average White Band will tour towns in Iraq and Syria that have been the victims of the horrific terror group ISIS, suffering stonings, beheadings, and crucifixions at the hands of the madmen. Average White Band will perform their hit from the 1970’s, Pick Up the Pieces. Also, James Taylor will make another appearance in the dusty region to sing his hit song Shower the People.