Obama Insists Islam “Woven Into the Fabric of USA Since Founding”

by on 22/02/15 at 7:53 pm

Mayflower passenger Ali Abdullah Pasha was the first muslim to enter the new world as a pilgrim. Later in Salem, Massachucetts he was branded a witch and accused of hiding a witch's hat under the thing on his head.

Mayflower passenger Ali Abdullah Pasha was the first muslim to enter the new world as a pilgrim. Later in Salem Massachucetts he was branded a consort of the devil and accused of hiding a witch’s hat under the thing on his head. After a lenghty trial, he was set free and allowed to marry his goat. He later moved to Mexican controlled California in a covered wagon to start the nation’s first chain of taco-burrito stands called ‘Prophet Mohammed’s Most Excellent Burritos’.

Islam in early America?  Well, let's not forget Marshall Hussein bin Ali who brought frontier justice to early Texas by imposing Sharia Law in 1798...Two years later he was found dead with his nuts sticking out of his ears and an empty bottle of Lone Star beer stuck up his ass. Today, there's a monument in Lubbock Texas commemorating the first glass bottle factory in Texas.

Islam in early America?
Well, let’s not forget Marshall Hussein bin Ali who brought frontier justice to early Texas by imposing Sharia Law in 1798…Two years later Ali was found dead with his nuts sticking out of his ears and an empty bottle of Lone Star beer stuck up his yazoo.
Today, there’s a monument in Lubbock Texas commemorating the first glass beer bottle factory in Texas.

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)

While rambling on and on this week from his make-believe terrorism summit, which was more like a fantasy draft camp for the Al Sharpton’s of the Islamic religion in America, President Obama reminded all of us of the importance that Islam played in the founding of our country. If he would have had more time he could have reminded everyone of significant moments in early Islamic-American history.

For instance, who could forget Tamir Jafarson, who helped write the Declaration of Independence. Even though Tamir’s famous quote “…that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Halalness…” was cut from the final draft of the Declaration, he went on to be, well, really nothing more than a footnote in American history.

Basim Fareeklin, the man credited with so many inventions, including discovering electricity when lightning hit a key he had tied on his goat’s leash, was very instrumental in the early days of the nation. Then, there was Jawhar Hamalcok, a man who wrote his signature on the Declaration bigger than anyone else – obviously compensating for a shortcoming in another area.

Everyone knows the story of Aladdin (Al) Gorebaz, who would have been our first President had it not been for an election recount due to a problem with hanging chads because the parchment the ballots were cut from was very unforgiving if not punched out thoroughly. After a tense few weeks, Gorebaz’s opponent, George Washington, was awarded the first presidency.

Going back even further in our history, most school children in America are taught in elementary school about the Pilgrims who first arrived in this country in the 1600’s. The Pilgrim’s got their name because they made yearly pilgrimages to Macca, the holiest of cities in the New World at that time, located in Massachusetts where modern day Cape Cod is. The Pilgrims usually spent several weeks there each summer hanging out at the beach, fishing, and parasailing.

In fact, Islam was so important to the founding of America that even though it was founded in the late 1700’s, the first mosque in America was not built until 1915. So either Islam really wasn’t as popular as the President is trying to make it out to be, or someone really dropped the ball on getting that whole worshiping Allah thing going over here.



5 Responses to “Obama Insists Islam “Woven Into the Fabric of USA Since Founding””

  1. Bargis

    Feb 22nd, 2015

    best yet…..

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Feb 22nd, 2015

    Touché EW.

    The Liar in Chief is still living in his own fantasy world!

  3. E. Williams

    Feb 22nd, 2015

    I’ve been to that monument in Lubbock! What a legend bin Ali is in Texas to this day. We still sing songs about his nuts sticking out of his ears!

  4. A guest

    Feb 23rd, 2015

    Obummer’s relatives came over on the Mayfly, first cousin of the fruit fly – a ghastly little critter that sucks off lemons to get its reproductive juices going.
    Not much changed since then.

  5. Philbert of Macadamia

    Feb 25th, 2015

    Obama thinks ISIS is part of the dessert menu at 5 Guys Burgers and Fries.

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