by E. Williams on 26/02/15 at 6:30 am
NEW YORK CITY – (satireworld.com)
Speaking to a group of conservatives just before they all head to CPAC later this week, Rudy Giuliani told a crowd today that President Obama ‘not only doesn’t love America, but the President also has a little dick’. The crowd reacted with little emotion since most conservatives have long suspected this to be true anyway.
“It’s about time someone well-known in the Republican party started speaking the truth about the President,” Mary Harper, an election official from Ohio and event attendee said. “Speaking as a woman, we’re very intuitive about these things. I’ve long suspected the President was compensating for a shortcoming and it’s refreshing that Rudy is putting this out there. He’s just saying things that most of us have known for years now.”
Rudy doubled down on his charge that the President is unpatriotic and doesn’t love America, that he was raised to be a Marxist, and that he has a little pecker. When asked by a reporter if he was going too far in his latest assertion, Rudy responded, “Then let him prove me wrong.”
17 year-old White House Spokesboy, Joshie Earnest, emphatically and categorically denied the former mayor’s charges saying, “I can assure you Mr. Giuliani’s comments are way off and have no basis in reality.” When pressed by Ed Henry of Fox News about how he knew this, Earnest replied, “No comment.”
Mr. Giuliani hated that he even had to address the President’s manhood but felt the nation needed to hear it. “ My only regret is that I waited so long to make this information public. It could have swung the election in 2012. I can’t imagine America would knowingly elect a nearly dick-less President.”
Elsewhere, leaders of ISIS reacted to the news with muted surprise. An unidentified ISIS general said, “We actually thought because of Mr. Obama’s sporadic drone strikes and lack of toughness toward our movement that he might have even had a vagina. So we were somewhat surprised. It makes sense now though. We refer to him as ‘The Little Dick’ anyway.”