by E. Williams on 10/04/15 at 3:44 pm
WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)
With all humans on the planet agreeing that President Obama and John Kerry negotiated the shit out of that whole Iran/Nukes deal, Mr. Obama has landed a sweet gig as the new Priceline Negotiator – Foreign Policy Division. The original, semi-retired Priceline Negotiator, William Shatner, will still handle all price negotiating of hotel rooms, etc. stateside.
Iran, still reeling from getting everything they wanted in the recent nuclear agreement with the United States, made two statements in reaction to the announcement of Mr. Obama’s new job: 1) They feel that Priceline made an excellent choice. (This was followed by several minutes of uncontrolled laughter from the Ayatollah) and, once he stopped laughing, 2) “Death to America.” Sounds like they’re jealous to me.
Mr. Obama has already started working on his first new deal as Foreign Policy Priceline Negotiator. ISIS is demanding they be allowed to invade northern Africa, killing and maiming all in their way who refuse to swear allegiance to Allah. In his hardline counteroffer, President Obama is insisting that he use drones to clear a path for the terrorist’s march into the dark continent and that the militant extremists, not Mr. Obama’s words, stop their reign of bloodshed when they reach Cape Town, South Africa, and not proceed any further beyond that point. ISIS leaders said they are not yet ready to take over the entire African continent, but Mr. Obama insisted.
Fresh off their dual “NoBalls Peace Prize” wins, Mr. Obama and Mr. Kerry hope to ink a deal with the leaders of ISIS by the end of the summer. Next up for the Wonder Twins is an agreement which will allow al Qaeda to enter the US southern border with dirty bombs in exchange for the terror group opening up areas of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Yemen for becoming American vacation hotspots.