by E. Williams on 18/04/15 at 4:08 pm
DES MOINES, IA – (satireworld.com)
Too busy investigating the hard news of Hillary Clinton’s road trip to Iowa, like who made her burrito bowl at the Chipotle in Ohio, reporters missed possibly the biggest story of her first pandering trip to the Hawkeye State. Upon arriving in Iowa and getting out of the Scooby Urban Assault vehicle, Hillary’s entourage found themselves under intense sniper fire from Iowans not happy about having the Deleter-in-Chief in their state.
Mrs. Clinton of course performed admirably by diving on personal assistant Huma Weiner to shield her from enemy fire. Mrs. Weiner was helpless during the attack as she was attempting to hold onto Mrs. Clinton’s smartphone AND iPad – at the same time! Hillary has decided to try and use two devices instead of one, after her “one device for convenience’s sake” bullshit failed to fool even a single American, following her email debacle. Thank God she has an assistant to help her with this task.
Secret Service determined there were several snipers taking shots at the presidential candidate and that if it hadn’t been for Mrs. Clinton’s previous Navy Seal training, along with her flexibility from her yoga routines, the outcome could have been disastrous.
Hillary was clearly shaken after the event though as she addressed reporters a short time later, saying, “I’m happy to be here in Bosnia. I’m sorry, I meant to say Iowa, to be a champion to all you little people who will one day be my servants.”
Her handlers felt that other than the Bosnia slip-up the event went well. The snipers escaped into some nearby cornfields and remain at large.