by E. Williams on 31/05/15 at 7:38 am
CHICAGO – (satireworld.com)
The old adage “just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean you should” doesn’t apply to the Hillary Clinton campaign. Now the people at Bluewater Productions (no relation to the Whitewater or Blue Dress scandals) are launching a comic book chronicling the adventures of Mrs. Clinton as she fights against all odds to obtain her rightful place as Queen of America.
The book, titled “Hillary Clinton: Road to the White House” will begin as a dead-broke-right-out-of-the-White House, younger Hillary discovers that if she can just pad her resume with a couple of temporary, government side jobs along the way, she can eventually achieve her dream of becoming the first woman to be president. Mrs. Clinton will battle evil Republicans as she decries conservatism in a flame-retardant pantsuit. She will have a sidekick, a loveable jackass (Democratic symbol) named “Hypocrisy” who travels everywhere she goes and serves as a reminder of all she stands for.
In an early edition, Hillary slams CEO’s in America for their high salaries, all while collecting hundreds of thousands of dollars for 30-60 minute speeches that she gives. There is another incident where Hillary’s husband Bill goes to an Indonesian charity event where people were raising money for schools in an area recovering from a deadly tsunami years earlier. Bill pocketed a cool $500 thousand for accepting an award, an amount which ate up 25% of the amount the charity raised for the entire effort. As Bill smiles while holding his big check, “Hypocrisy” just looks awkwardly, shoulders shrugged, and with an air bubble he says, “Bills got to pay the bills!” Some might say that money could have helped the victims of the tsunami-ravaged area in many other ways, but that doesn’t fit in with the quest for the throne.
Other characters that will be part of the Hillary comic universe include: President Obama, a skinny weakling who has the power to cripple the economy, slow GDP growth to close to zero, and jump to the wrong conclusions in racially-charged criminal cases. When cornered, Obama has the ability to cast blame at all others, regardless of the facts. There is Josh Earnest, a teenage, reptilian being who speaks with a forked tongue, and John Podesta, a pal of Hillary’s who travels in UFO’s and will do whatever he is told to do by Mrs. Clinton, even model the hideous new uniform of crazed Hillary supporters – the Hillary PantSuit T shirt. Sadly, we aren’t making that part up.
We may reveal more secrets of her adventures in the future as we get them but, in all honesty and for the sake of the country, we hope to see Mrs. Clinton signing autographs for $10 a piece at a future Comic-Con event instead of ever getting into the White House again. Live long and Pander.