Marco Rubio: Is America Really Ready For a President With Four Traffic Tickets?

by on 06/06/15 at 5:52 am

The New York Times found officer Hector Cruz who wrote the Rubio traffic ticket in 1990...."I gave him a ticket for speeding  with an faded Reagan For President sticker on his bumper."

The New York Times found officer Hector Cruz who wrote the Rubio traffic ticket in 1990….”I told Rubio I was waiting all day long for speeders just like him and then he says he knew that and was trying to get there as fast as he could!”

ORLANDO, FL – (satireworld.com)

The Marco Rubio presidential campaign was rocked to its core today after the New York Times broke the shocking story that the Florida senator has received four traffic citations in the past eighteen years. Rubio and his inner circle are huddling tonight, in full damage control mode, to try and figure out if their presidential run should move forward in light of the tragic story.

One idea that has been floated is to have Ambassador Susan Rice go on this Sunday’s talk shows and talk down the serious ramifications of the citations, but that’s only if President Obama would allow the Rubio campaign to borrow Rice for the effort. Another idea is to blame the citations on a defensive driving video that didn’t properly instruct Rubio on the rules of the road, thus contributing to his receiving the tickets in the first place.

Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton knows what a problem traffic tickets can cause a presidential contender, which is why she herself hasn’t driven a car since 1996. No driving equals no tickets.

The most damning part of the story for Rubio is the sheer number of tickets. Four tickets over a lifetime would be devastating enough, but four infractions in just eighteen years?! Even many Republican voters are having trouble with this one. One man we talked with told us, “When it came across as breaking news, my first thought was ‘Oh, the humanity!’ Then I immediately started thinking about which of the other 45 Republican candidates I could, in good conscience, vote for next year. I was solidly in Rubio’s corner until this hit the fan. Now, I just don’t know.”

Discriminating American voters can overlook many things in a presidential candidate: sealed college transcripts, selling influence to foreign countries, sloppy management of situations that cost Americans their lives, even deleting government evidence to cover up wrongdoing. But do they really want someone answering that 3am phone call who has four traffic tickets on their record? That just may be a red line in the sand no American is willing to cross.

In a related story, Salon.com is reportedly sitting on a potential “October surprise” story they may pull out just before the election regarding an incident in which Senator Rubio once drank straight from a milk carton and put it right back in the fridge. Stay tuned.



3 Responses to “Marco Rubio: Is America Really Ready For a President With Four Traffic Tickets?”

  1. Bargis

    Jun 6th, 2015

    The left is truly worried about Rubio and Cruz.

  2. E. Williams

    Jun 6th, 2015

    Yes they are, more than any of the others.

  3. captain america

    Jun 7th, 2015

    …..meanwhile Hillary refuses to produce a license after being stopped
    For “driving her ass on single lane bridge” somewhere on
    Martha’s Vineyard…..”

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