Georgia Man Says He CAN Trust Hillary as Far as He Can Throw Her

by on 09/06/15 at 6:38 am

Clive's friend Dale 'Skunk' Edwards says he'd gladly drop back and punt Hillary for a field goal. Edwards, age 26, wears a size 29eee shoe and has the world's only pair of steel-toed custom Nikes.

Clive’s friend Dale ‘Skunk’ Edwards says he’d gladly drop back and punt Hillary for a field goal.
Edwards, age 26, wears a size 29eee shoe and has the world’s only pair of steel-toed custom Nikes.


Strongman Clive says he practices alot with next door neighbor Edna Haskell and claims he once threw her almost 25 feet into a dumpster! He did admit he paid to have her cheer outfit dry cleaned afterwards.

Strongman Clive Haskins says he practices alot with next door neighbor Edna Bellamy and claims he once threw her almost 25 feet into a dumpster! He did admit he paid to have her cheer outfit dry cleaned afterwards.


ATHENS, GA – (satireworld.com)

An Athens auto mechanic said today that he believes he CAN trust Hillary Clinton as far as he can throw her, but he makes no guarantees beyond that. Mrs. Clinton and her campaign have been rocked in recent weeks over what potential voters see as a lack of trustworthiness in the former First Lady. Fifty-seven percent of Americans don’t trust the woman.

“I think on a good day, and under the right wind conditions, I could throw Hillary about eight to nine feet, depending on whether they let me sling her or get a running head start,” said Clive Haskins. “As long as I could still see her, I think I’d trust her. But as soon as she’s out of my sight? No way. Wouldn’t trust that woman to run a snow cone stand at my son’s Little League ballpark.”

The trust issue can be a nail in the coffin for any candidate once it’s lost. There will always be a segment of the population that will follow Hillary right off a cliff if she walked off one, but there is no doubt the trust issue is one that will continue to haunt the Clinton campaign going forward.

The article has gotten the campaign’s attention though, as insiders say they have seen internal memos debating whether to book Mrs. Clinton to appear at county and state fairs over the next year to hold “Hillary tossing” events, similar to midget tossing contests of yesteryear.

A friend of Clive’s said he would trust Hillary only as far as he could kick her, and he wondered if we could arrange for that to happen. As of press time, our calls to Hillary’s campaign have not been returned regarding the possibility of drop-kicking Mrs. Clinton.



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