by E. Williams on 01/09/15 at 4:59 am
CLEVELAND – (satireworld.com)
The latest excuse for how Hillary Clinton managed to do her job as Secretary of State if she never sent or received any classified materials through her home-grown private email server, as she claims, is that she used her head. During a campaign event here today, the former First Lady said she did an end around the State Department by sending and receiving all classified information psychically.
Hillary explained to reporters that she knew someday she would have to square how she dealt with top secret data on the job while still keeping everything “off the grid” so she could cover her tracks and keep investigators from uncovering any wrongdoing on her part in the future. She said the process of transmitting information to foreign leaders in this manner was tricky at times.
“Often times, Huma and I would light an incense candle in a darkened room and hold a seance to send information telepathically. They would usually have to find a psychic in the other country to translate for the dignitary on the other end because most other leaders don’t have my extraordinary powers,” Clinton said.
Hillary likened her abilities to another famous TV psychic. “Additionally, a method we used to avoid leaving an electronic trail was to have a foreign leader send classified materials by snail mail to my private P.O. box. Then I would hold the envelope up to my head like Carnac the Magnificent and decipher the contents of the letter that way. I would use gloves so my fingerprints wouldn’t be all over the letter and we would then immediately have the materials shredded and burned.”