Several States Making Unusual Requests of Republican Candidates

by on 02/09/15 at 7:43 pm

A simple 'pinky promise' has been proven to be the leading cause of advanced faggotry in America

A simple ‘pinky promise’ has been proven to be the leading cause of advanced faggotry in America


VIRGINIA – (satireworld.com)

Trying to quell any attempt by Donald Trump to potentially launch a third-party run for the White House in 2016, state legislators in several states are debating whether to pass requirements that candidates sign or agree to “loyalty oaths,” stating they would support whoever the Republican nominee is, and forgo running as an Independent. The agreements would be legally non-binding, but the thought is that it would hold some level of importance in voter’s minds.

Some Virginia state Republicans think the measure doesn’t go far enough and are insisting that candidates who agree to the “loyalty oaths” be required to wear “loyalty rings,” similar to purity rings, as a physical symbol they will remain true to their promise to the Party.

In North Carolina, Republican leadership wants to force all candidates to pinky swear, a gesture that holds a great deal of seriousness in that state, that they will support whoever the nominee is. In fact, paperwork is already being drawn up there that states, “During the public display of making a pinky swear in front of voters, it is forbidden for a candidate to ‘cross their fingers behind their back’ in an attempt to nullify making the promise in the first place.”

Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee (RNC), believes the new rules are very much needed in light of today’s events and would even like to see tougher legislation passed to keep candidates in line. “I don’t think it’s out of line at all to require that our candidates sign these pledges in their own blood,” Priebus said. “And not only for Mr. Trump, but for all the candidates, I would like to see them swear on their mother’s graves that they would not seek a third-party run. I think the days when a candidate could make a promise, spit in their hand, and then shake ours is long gone.”

Reince also stated he felt regret that Democrats didn’t have these types of assurances from President Obama when he was a candidate in 2007, saying, “I think about all the damage of his two terms we wouldn’t be living with today from his presidency if someone in their leadership had only made him pinky promise not to wreck the nation. Such a missed opportunity.”



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