‘The Bernie’ Haircut Biggest Style Trend Since ‘The Rachel’

by on 20/10/15 at 3:59 pm

This poor old sot got himself a 'Bernie' and instead of getting laid he ended up with calluses on his hands.

This poor old sot got himself a ‘Bernie’ and instead of getting laid he ended up with calluses on his hands.


Liberal Land, MA – (satireworld.com)

As America gets to know the socialist in Bernie Sanders, they are quickly learning something else about him. He’s a ladies man. A chick magnet. And it’s not his policies that are winning the women over, it’s the wild, wiry, white head of hair that are driving Democratic females crazy. Bernie rocks the unruly hairstyle and he knows it.

Barbers and hairstylists are reporting a spike in male Democrats coming in requesting “The Bernie.” The crazed hairstyle is easy to manage because it requires no attention. You get out of bed and start your day. There is no need for a comb, brush, gel, or blow dryer. On windy days, when most people are complaining that it’s a bad hair day, “The Bernie” is at its best.

Not since Jennifer Aniston’s “The Rachel” back in the 90’s have so many gone for a specific hairstyle. “The Bernie” allows men to pass themselves off as a politician, grumpy old man, mad scientist, or an electrocution victim, all of which are great conversation starters.

The only question remaining in the Democratic presidential race is whether more women will vote for Hillary just because she’s a woman than men who will vote for Sanders because of his trendsetting hair. Only time will tell.

Women on the Left are getting into the hair craze too. A woman has had the likeness of Hillary Clinton shaved into her hair and scalp on the back of her head. Called “The Grandma,” this style is gaining popularity among Hillary’s butch, lesbian supporters. 

Hairstyles say something about us to the outside world. Having “The Grandma” shaved into the back of your head says, “I’m an idiot, and I don’t care who knows it. I like my politicians corrupt, above the law, and entitled.”

Bernie’s hair says of the wearer, “I just don’t care – at all.” Because of his hair and gruff demeanor, Bernie is still coming to grips with his new status as a sex symbol on the Democratic side. Hopefully, he’ll feel more comfortable about it by the time he wins People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ cover in 2016.



One Response to “‘The Bernie’ Haircut Biggest Style Trend Since ‘The Rachel’”

  1. O'Leg Pee

    Oct 22nd, 2015

    Looks like a mugshot of a notorious Brit pederast, ugly bastard to boot

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