by E. Williams on 09/11/15 at 1:40 pm
BROOKLYN – (satireworld.com)
In a glimpse of what may come if Hillary Clinton is elected to the White House in 2016, the Democrat presidential hopeful said that, if she wins, her first order of business will be to sign an executive order making it mandatory for all American women, regardless of age, to wear colorful pantsuits at all times. Each American female, and all males who identify as female, will be given seven government-issued pantsuits to wear, so they can sport a different color each day of the week.
As a sign of her compassion, Hillary says she will allow women to choose what colors they want to wear each day as opposed to dictating that decision as well. Many say the pantsuits will become known as “the American burqa.” Mrs. Clinton said she would also be unveiling a pantsuit pajama version as well, so women will wear pantsuits to bed each night too.
Critics of Clinton have already begun speaking out against the proposal. Reactions from Republican women are ranging from “I wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those hideous clown suits,” to “No way, those things make you look too ‘hippy’ in the waist,” to “Just shoot me now.”
Clothing retailers will be forced to change their inventories to all pantsuits and existing women’s wear inventory will be shipped off to clothe the less fortunate in third-world countries. Hillary says she envisions a day when the entire world’s female population will all wear pantsuits, but one step at a time.
David Letterman was ahead of the curve when he joked in 2007 that: “Hillary is dressing sexier and sexier. Yesterday she was seen shopping at Victoria’s Pantsuit.” The joke is not the name change ofVictoria’s Secret, but rather the part about Hillary dressing sexy. Letterman’s joke is the first time in recorded history that the words ‘Hillary’ and ‘sexy’ have ever been used together, especially since most American men call her colored pantsuits simply “boner killers.”