by Steely Beast on 10/12/15 at 10:12 am
New York, NY – (satireworld.com)
Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton proposed immediate legislation that would curb any possible gun violence by Muslim males who enter the US on a visa or under refugee status. The method would include mandatory surgical thumb removal to prevent the unauthorized use of any firearms by any Muslim male who enters the US.
Presidential candidate Clinton says she bases her facts on her experience watching Muslims men shoot guns (Benghazi embassy security tapes) and reports of the potential hire-ability of Muslim men who enter the US looking for jobs.
Says Hillary, “They can’t speak English, have no real skills, and they really won’t need thumbs anyway since they can’t work. So, what’s the big deal anyway?”
According to US Department of Labor statistics, most Muslim men aren’t in the US workforce and just collect free benefits under the USAID program that settles immigrants from the Middle East.
The practice of amputation is deeply ingrained in Islamic Sharia Law where ‘an eye for an eye’ is greatly enforced and literally interpretative. Marvin Katz, an attorney for the Hillary campaign says, “They (Muslims) support Sharia efforts and adding that additional line of Islamic support shows we understand and welcome their culture. It would be a great way of showing ISIS we care and understand their values. Who Knows? It could lead to peace!”
Several rehabilitation experts claim any operation of a handgun is an impossibility when a human’s thumbs are missing and would curb senseless murders and mass shootings. Furthermore, loading an assault rifle while holding it would be impossible for a mass shooter as the thumb is needed to load and control the weapon.
When asked if she supported other forced amputations in the US for convicted US citizens, Hillary replied, ” Well it might curb our sexual crimes a great deal and definitely give my Bill a real pointed message!”