by Steely Beast on 06/01/16 at 6:47 am
Pyongyang, North Korea – (satireworld.com) North Korea said it successfully tested a miniaturized hydrogen nuclear device today claiming a significant advance in its strike capability and setting off alarm bells in Japan and South Korea.
The test, the fourth time the Hermit Kingdom has exploded a nuclear device, was ordered by leader-for-life Kim Jong Un and was successfully conducted at 10:00 a.m. local time (2030 ET), North Korea’s official KCNA TV news agency said while playing martial music and featuring 250 scantily dressed woman who were reportedly part of a special nuclear weapons branch of the North Korean Army.
Photos of hand-drawn mushroom clouds were displayed on the state-owned TV channel as a voice over by the military announcer made explosion sounds into the microphone.
“Let the world look up to the strong, self-reliant nuclear-armed state,” Kim wrote in what North Korean state TV displayed as a handwritten note which flashed on the screen.
The nuclear test drew condemnation abroad, with China, the North’s chief ally, expressing “resolute opposition” and saying it would lodge a protest with Pyongyang. South Korea described Kim Jong Un as a ‘war mongering shithead’ and said it would beef up its troops and float balloons across the DMZ filled with doctored photos of leader Kim Jong Un wearing mini-skirts and make-up.
While a fourth nuclear test had been long expected, the claim that it was a hydrogen device, (much more powerful than an atomic bomb), came as a surprise and with much skepticism among experts who believe it’s a sham and propaganda tool. “It was only a 5.1 Richter scale bump, when a hydrogen device would have been twice that range,” said Knuton Halbard, an MIT professor and nuclear expert, who designs nuclear weapons for the US.
One thing for certain, it ensures that North Korea will be a key topic during the U.S. presidential campaign.
In other news, North Korea gave its citizens permission to eat their state issued leather soled shoes as winter damaged roads have curtailed the transportation of staples due to insufficient supplies of truck tires for government trucks. Since October local sources of food have been depleted.