Obama Pulls Muscles, Tears Tendon in Gun Move

by on 11/01/16 at 11:50 am

While examining the President's x-ray, doctors realized he was a quart low on bullshit juice.

While examining the President’s x-ray, doctors realized he was almost quart low on bullshit juice.

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)

White House doctors have confirmed that President Obama strained several muscles in his arms today, and even tore a tendon in his shoulder area, while overreaching in putting together his newest gun control executive orders. The president has been ordered to rest his skinny arms and reduce the movement of his left shoulder as much as possible.

Mr. Obama, who is left-handed, tore the teres minor tendon that attaches to the rotator cuff of his left shoulder when he, once again, stretched his legal authority beyond its normal range while meeting with Attorney General Loretta Lynch as the two worked on the president’s latest abuse of power.

Mrs. Lynch said, “The president was overreaching and we both heard a ‘pop’ sound. I hit the floor because I thought it was a gunshot at first. Then I saw Barack grabbing his shoulder and wincing in pain as he dropped his pen. That’s when I figured out what had happened.”

The president has made a habit of overreaching during the past seven years, starting with his Obamacare legislation, and doctors have urged him to seek change in smaller increments instead of the big, sweeping, far-reaching motions he tends to prefer.

A member of the president’s medical staff said part of the problem is that when Mr. Obama overreaches, it usually comes back to bite him in the next election. Because the president overreaches so often, his injuries don’t ever have time to fully heal before he overuses the same muscles and tendons again.

The biggest fear within the White House is that since the president has vowed to overreach as much as possible during his last year in office, he could potentially hurt himself badly. One doctor told us, “If he ever felt so bold as to combine a gun grab, while overreaching at the same time, well, I don’t have to tell you it would be bad.”

Insiders believed that all the time the president has spent reaching out while holding his selfie stick would have strengthened these muscles and tendons more than they have, but apparently his lack of reaching out to those on the other side of the aisle have caused many of these tissues to atrophy over the course of his presidency.

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