Bill Clinton Secretly Hoping for Hillary Indictment, Conjugal Visits

by on 06/04/16 at 12:55 pm

prison whites in her future?

prison whites in her future?


While his wife was getting spanked by Bernie Sanders in Wisconsin tonight, sources say Bill Clinton is secretly hoping that Hillary gets indicted, has to drop out of the presidential race, and is ultimately incarcerated.

“I know it’s a lot to ask for,” Bill said, “with the fact that Barack might not prosecute her and all, but it would be so cool if I could score some conjugal visits! Not with Hillary but, you know, the rest of the ladies in Cell Block D.”

Admitting it has been a fantasy of his to engage in a prison sex romp with multiple female inmates, Bill said prosecuting Hillary would punch his ticket for a dream come true – and something he claims is on his bucket list.


“She’s guilty as hell, I can tell you that right now,” he said. “Now, whether they’re going to be able to nail her to the wall for it is the big question. But I’ll be happy to be a cooperative witness for the prosecution if it will speed things along. I’m not getting any younger!”

Bill says he’s been secretly taking pictures and documenting wrongdoing by Hillary at the couple’s mansion in Chappaqua for years, waiting for just the right opportunity to spill what he knows about her illegal, private email server, if the payoff for him is good enough.

Republicans were disgusted by Bill’s perverted fantasies, but said they would be just fine with him satisfying his primal urges as long as it means Hillary is behind bars.

7 Responses to “Bill Clinton Secretly Hoping for Hillary Indictment, Conjugal Visits”

  1. Bargis

    Apr 6th, 2016

    good one

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Apr 6th, 2016

    Good story EW and good jump suit picture Bargis.

    If Hillary goes to prison, does that make her First Bitch?

  3. E. Williams

    Apr 9th, 2016

    Thanks guys!

  4. Willow Veronique

    Oct 15th, 2016

    Is this actually true or is it a satire of Bill?

    • Bargis

      Oct 15th, 2016

      Evil Williams (the author) has assured me that this is as true as any other of our other stories.

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