by E. Williams on 28/04/16 at 7:12 am
WASHINGTON – (satireworld.com)
With the world in a precarious state from threats of terrorism, China’s economy on shaky ground, Iran getting nuclear weapons, and military skirmishes with other countries that continue to embarrass the United States, President Obama placed a call to Russia’s President Putin today.
According to 17 year-old White House spokesman Josh Earnest, the two world leaders had a productive and intense 30-minute discussion, touching on some of the most important issues of our time.
President Obama first brought up the transgender bathroom crisis in the United States and asked Putin how he handles the situation in his country. Putin replied that he usually just ships those people to Siberia, and he really doesn’t care where they go to the bathroom up there.
Putin asked if there were that many transgenders in America for this to be a problem, and Obama informed him that they make up 0.002% of the population, so he told Putin, “You can see why it’s such a pressing issue.”
Putin fully expected Obama to next bring up the issue of Russian fighter jets taunting US military forces in the Middle East region. Instead, Mr. Obama asked what Putin thought of America putting a woman on the $20 bill. “Getting to do this kind of stuff is what made me want to become president in the first place,” he told Putin.
Putin rolled his eyes. Obama then said he was hoping he wouldn’t have to bring this next issue up. “Here it comes,” thought the Russian leader, “he’s going to ask about our military maneuvers.” But Barack asked instead, “Are you familiar with ‘manspreading?’”
“It’s the practice of white males spreading out and taking up more than one seat on public transportation. It affects 1% of all passengers of public transportation, so you can see that I’ve got to get a handle on this epidemic!”
President Putin just laughed, and Obama said, “You are so lucky you don’t have to deal with these issues in your country.” Finally, Obama said he wanted to talk to the Russian president about climate change, at which point Mr. Putin hung up on him.