Sumo Justice Warrior (SJW) is New Poster Child for Protesters

by on 05/05/16 at 12:54 pm

"Nothing like eating cheesecake in your undies!"

“Nothing like eating cheesecake in your undies!”


MASSACHUSETTS – (satireworld.com)

SWJ’s come in a wide variety of colors, sizes, and levels of butthurt. But now, SJW’s have found their Godzilla. Their poster baby. A college senior named Cora is that champion.

For the uninitiated, SJW stands for “Sumo Justice Warrior.” Cora protests under the name “Trigglypuff” and she’s angry about her 15 minutes of fame. Actually, that’s not true. She’s mad about everything.

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Trigglypuff, who is a real looker and who reportedly masturbates to a cookbook, is angry because she was triggered during a presentation by three conservatives who were delivering a presentation on the ridiculousness of political correctness, and was captured on video losing her mind.

The video is now online and Triggly and her best friend are pissed that the video doesn’t show her best side. They also fear the video may affect future video sales for the warrior. Triggly is currently shooting a workout video and below is a short loop of footage from that film:

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Her workout tape will be called “Get Jiggly with Triggly!” and this clip shows Trigglypuff performing her favorite exercise, an hour of which she claims will burn off one slice of cheesecake. Triggly believes there is not enough shouting in workout videos.

To motivate her watchers, trigger words like “Christian,” “pro-life,” and “white male” pop up on the screen to stoke the anger needed to complete the routines.

The warrior has also agreed to star in a porn film in the near future, but Cora claims she needs to lose that last 10 pounds before she’s in bikini shape.



2 Responses to “Sumo Justice Warrior (SJW) is New Poster Child for Protesters”

  1. Bargis

    May 5th, 2016

    Mmmmmmmmmmmmm lard-in-motion

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    May 5th, 2016

    The USA is in deep doo doo as this college student (or paid rabble rouser) isn’t there to learn anything other than to live in her own delusional world, like Obama!

    There are better behaved three year olds in Day Care!

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