Khirzr Khan Makes Premier TV Appearance on This Week’s Edition of….The Real Bad Housewives of Islamisbad

by on 01/08/16 at 1:54 pm

Cora and husband arrive at a local mosque shortly before a car bomb leveled it. They escaped unhurt.

Cora and husband arrive at a local mosque shortly before a car bomb leveled it. They escaped unhurt.

Khazir keeps in touch with his office during filming.

Khazir keeps in touch with his US visa sales office during filming.

Relatives of Frenchy show up unexpectedly causing the film crew a few uncomfortable moments.

BACK FROM HUNTING???? Relatives of Frenchy show up unexpectedly causing the film crew a few uncomfortable moments.

Islamisbad, Pakistan -(satireworld.com)

In order to shore up faltering ratings and falling revenues, cable news channel MSNBC has decided to offer prime-time reality shows with a foreign flare. Reality TV’s latest offering is sure to raise eyebrows and a few Muslim tempers as season one of The Real Bad Housewives of Islamabad makes its way to the small screen with a special guest appearance by Khizr Khan who was the recent star speaker at the Democratic National Convention.

Shot on location in Pakistan’s capitol Islamabad, the first of six weekly segments is set to begin its debut tonight on MSNBC. Final editing was held up as goat herding and shearing process wrapped up this past spring, plus a guest appearance by Khan was put off until after the Democrats could wring every ounce from the couple’s tragic loss. The original airing was postponed until this month in order to accommodate the winter birthing season for three of the woman who comprise half of the show’s six main characters.

Filmed in the typical Pakistani mud and wood homes which dominate the country, all six characters have been given western names in order to protect their true identity. A similar TV project last fall by the BBC ended tragically when the women who had used their real names were subjected to vicious beatings by their husbands, rendering them unusable because of the women’s swollen lips, horrific acid burns to their faces, and several broken noses. Two were later beheaded which promptly ended their on-screen talking parts in any future episodes much to the dismay of BBC producer Miles Coffer-Blyth. We were also advised to use a different name for Khan who specializes in law related to the E-2 and EB-5 programs, which hands out green cards to foreign investors that put at least $500,000 into certain American firms. The ‘investor’ can also get green cards for certain family members.

The first episode has the women (Cora, Britney, Alice, Frenchie, Salome, and Dawn) shopping at a local food bazaar while wearing traditional black burkas. Of course, like other Pakistani women, they have dirty-feet children in tow. The women are identified on-screen by subtitles as they barter for the best prices for dried goat head, baked flat bread, fly-infested milk products, and a fresh batch of AK-47 tracer ammo which is prized by their spouses.

The series promises a few surprising twists as in episode one, when Cora accuses Salome of stealing goat milk from her storage bladder, and Dawn flies off the handle at a catty remark made by Frenchie concerning the size of Dawn’s rear end and how it ‘shakes the burka’ when she walks. A perplexed Alice finds a condom in her husband’s wallet and figures she can use it to make a goat meat and cheese sausages which results in a mild but prolonged beating by furious husband Ali after the latex tangles up in his bridge work.

In episode two, Alice is scared when her husband tests the new tracer ammo and unloads a full magazine from his AK-47 into the home’s thatched roof momentarily scaring everyone including the film crew who are panicked when the roof catches fire. They rush to put out the spreading flames with goat milk from the storage bladders hanging on the wall because the local firetruck has been broken down for six months.

In episode three, Britney is shocked to hear her husband has joined ISIS and fears for her life if he ever discovers she’s plucked her eyebrows and took a bath way before summer. Alice finds a 1978 Playboy magazine hidden under her husband’s bed and is troubled about the nude photos. Dawn, Frenchie, and Cora show off their recent birthing results. Frenchie is dismayed over the vast amount of facial hair on her newborn daughter Fatima. Cora says her husband accused her of being a Jewish spy after he thought her tummy stretch marks were really a secret map of Hamas missile caches in Lebanon.

Episode Four touches on a seemingly universal problem with rebellious teenaged children when Dawn finds out her oldest son Amul, age 15, has taken the family’s flying carpet out for joy rides without permission. Cora finds semen stains on her 14 year old daughter’s burka and forbids her from listening to any western 8-track cassettes after meal time and takes away all her Wayne Newton cassettes as punishment. Alice discovers she’s pregnant again with number 13. Britney’s husband Mohammed approaches her with the idea of having western silicone implants to enhance her breast size from a 34C to a 38DD. Tensions rise when Mohammed insists that Haji can do the implants cheaper and two=for-one at his leather shop down at the bazaar then at Islamisbad General Hospital.

Episode Five: Dawn and daughter Tashi go missing for several hours after taking a walk. Cora hurts her knee chasing a horny camel from her driveway. Frenchie discovers her husband has ‘other interests’ down at his carpet shop. Dawn’s son Amul is discouraged after trying to find a suicide vest that fits. Salome shows her husband her new red thong from Fatima’s Secret and he promptly goes into serious cardiac arrest forcing the camera crew to call in a helicopter rescue. Dawn’s eldest son Pasha confesses he loves a older man who owns the local donkey cart dealership and is very generous to him.

Season Finale: Salome gets a new microwave oven and attempts to dry the family’s cat after its bath. Dawn learns a lesson about anal sex from her husband. Cora finds semen stains on her new table cloth and confronts her cousin Honi who recently had a sweet Sixteen party at her home. Britney’s new 38DD breast implants causes controversy at the local mosque. Alice ponders opening a Jewish Deli in her home. A roadside bomb blast shakes up the block where Frenchie lives.

The Real Housewives of Islamabad will be shown on cable TV’s MSNBC Channel beginning at 8PM EST tonight. Viewer discretion is advised.



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