Heightened Fears Over ‘Handshake Hillary’ And The Spread of the Pneumonia Virus

by on 12/09/16 at 4:01 pm

Hillary coughing. Aides privately say she never washes her hands afterward.

Hillary coughing. Aides privately say she never washes her hands afterward.

A montage of Hillary hacking away and spreading cooties!

A montage of Hillary hacking away and spreading cooties!

Ted Knowles met Hillary...her hand...Then ate a cheese burger!

Ted Knowles met Hillary…shook her hand…Then ate a cheese burger!

Upon hearing of the contagious nature of Hillary's illness Knowles immediately burned his hand with gasoline in an effort to sanitize it.

Upon hearing of the contagious nature of Hillary’s illness Knowles immediately burned his hand with gasoline in an effort to sanitize it.


New York, NY – (satireworld.com)

Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton is reportedly recovering from a severe case of Calcutta Pneumonia, according to her campaign, but the mysterious virus that they say caused her to collapse in New York City Sunday has made several staffers sick, according to confidential sources.

“Everyone’s been sick,” a campaign source told SatireWorld’s Jon Worthington, describing “a debilitating bug” that was sickening at least six people including campaign manager Robby Mook.

The source cited a top adviser who had to go to the emergency room, after passing out from “severe dehydration.”

According to another reporter, a Clinton aide confirmed the report, saying, “Yes, folks in our office have been very sick from the Calcutta Pneumonia and we are all blaming Trump.”

But is Trump really to blame? Dr. Angus Firth says it’s impossible if Trump wasn’t around or close enough to shake her hands like those waiting in reception lines or innocently just sharing a table when she had a coughing spell.

“People don’t realize that Hillary almost never properly sanitizes her hands after coughing. It’s the phlegm particles that spread the virus and thousands of Democratic supporters are now at risk.”

In Pittsburgh, Larry Coster is alarmed after seeing the diagnosis Hillary received after she passed out and fell to the curb during the 9-11 Memorial on Sunday. It seems it was just the day before that Coster met Hillary and vigorously shook her hand as she walked the reception line at the Hilton Hotel.

‘At first, I thought her wet clammy hand was just showing the results of a hot afternoon, but now I realize she had phlegm particles all over her palm from covering her mouth when she coughed after getting out of her limousine. Now, I really understand how gross that was and I’m just waiting to get sick.”

Several in the media have drew parallels between the carelessness of Hillary and an 18th century household domestic who widely spread Typhoid Fever in New York City. Today, she is commonly referred to as Typhoid Mary. Staffers immediately downplayed the comparison reminding reporters that Mary was an ardent Trump supporter even though she was an illegal immigrant who bypassed health screening at Ellis Island.



3 Responses to “Heightened Fears Over ‘Handshake Hillary’ And The Spread of the Pneumonia Virus”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Sep 12th, 2016

    This latest incident in NYC further verifies that males who have shaken hands with Hillary (female as far as we know) have come down with a sexually transmitted disease (STD) soon after!

    • Bargis

      Sep 12th, 2016

      STD……..Sorta like when Hillary was born and she became a Sexually Transmitted Democrat!

  2. O'Leg Pee

    Sep 12th, 2016

    Swine flu as in over the cuckoo’s nest, imho.

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