by Annoying Rash on 01/11/16 at 2:30 pm
Kent, Ohio – (SatireWorld.com)
Citing shifting polls and recent FBI announcements for Hillary Clinton as the investigation into her email scandal was reinvigorated this week. Clinton began claiming there are ties between Republican nominee Donald Trump and Russia while at a rally in Ohio after a quirky story broke via Slate. Her once loyal buddies over at the New York Times quickly debunked the item and called her a desperate shrew for manipulating the unconfirmed news report.
Today Hillary accused Donald Trump of starting the Korean War, personally being responsible for global warming, inventing the Bernie Sanders campaign, and baiting her to pull-his-finger in a crowded elevator back in 1994!
Pollster Pat Caddell said, “I think they don’t know what to do,” also pointing out that Hillary Clinton’s unfavorables appear to be “at their highest” in the latest polling. He then stated that he turned on his television Tuesday morning to find that the “hysteria on MSNBC was palpable,” seemingly in response to the same news.
“This thing will move in its own direction,” he added. “But I think this thing could be coalescing because it’s not just the emails. It is the larger attitudes about the country.”
While saying it was too early to be certain, he said the election was beginning to look somewhat like 1980 to him–when the presidential race broke wide open for Ronald Reagan over Democrat Jimmy Carter near the end.
Ex-president Jimmy Carter confirmed Caddel by saying, “I get the hot farts and runs just watching news shows on TV lately. It reminds me so much of when Reagan powered my butt good back in 1980.”
Several moms said their young children were having a hard time sleeping and expressed anxiety over what they heard on TV mainly a woman’s screechy voice that was so high pitched it hurt their ears. Doctors have advised oarents to turn the TV to Sponge Bob.