(Photo Edition) FBI Reports: Federal Jail Cell Being Repainted For Hillary

by on 04/11/16 at 6:42 am

Cell number 3099 reportedly will be freshly painted a nice two-tone green and will get a new toilet and TV.

Cell number 3099 reportedly will be freshly painted a nice two-tone green and will get a new toilet and TV.

Guards are forbidden to salute the disgraced former first lady and are authorized to use shock batons if needed.

Guards are forbidden to salute the disgraced former first lady and are authorized to use shock batons if needed.

Jared Fogle says he will slip her messages of encouragement as his cell is only 50 feet away.

Jared Fogle says he will slip her messages of encouragement and toasted sandwiches as his cell is only 150 feet away.

REportedly, the GSA has ordered a brand new Bobcat excavator to handle the upcoming and much anticipated Clinton Cavity Search which is performed on all new prison arrivals. "Pink wasn't available, so we got white," says Lou Macalvane, head of Prison Purchasing.

Reportedly, the GSA has ordered a brand new Bobcat excavator to handle the upcoming and much anticipated Clinton Cavity Search which is performed on all new prison arrivals to thwart contraband from entering the facility.
“Pink wasn’t available, so we got white,” says Lou Macalvane, head of Prison Purchasing.

Fellow prisoner who inmates call 'Boo' says she has some an extra 12 volt battery from the prison tractor for Hillary's vibrator.

Fellow prisoner who inmates call ‘Boo’ says she has an extra 12 volt battery from the prison tractor she will share for use in Hillary’s prison-issue vibrator.

Leavenworth officials contacted Martha Stewart in order to get decorating and paint ideas for the renovated cell.

Leavenworth officials contacted Martha Stewart in order to get decorating and paint ideas for the renovated cell.

Leavenworth, KS – (SatireWorld.com)

FBI sources have revealed to SatireWorld that a make-over is planned for a specific third-floor cell in the woman’s section of Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary in Kansas. The source says it’s planned to house Hillary Clinton after what they believe will be a quick trial due to the massive amount of evidence the Bureau has collected during its year-long criminal corruption investigation.

Cell 3099 has a new coat of prison-issue paint, a new reinforced toilet and sink combo, plus, due to her years in public service, she’ll receive a three level deluxe wall shelf. A government surplus black and white 17 inch TV set was donated by the Democratic Women’s Prison Ministries for Clinton’s personal use along with almost 22 of her most famous campaign speeches on several VCR tapes.

Warden Cecil Barnes told SatireWorld reporters that Clinton must earn good behavior points in order to receive a new prison-issue toilet seat and an increase in her allotted toilet paper rolls up to two per week. She can have no visitors for the first 30 days while in the reception area where she will undergo a vigorous training and education schedule. Barnes claims there is no merit to rumors that Clinton will be sharing a cell with Anthony Weiner.

Clinton will only be allowed to have certain personal items in her cell which will include….A personal photo or two. Up to three (3) magazines which must not contain any suggestive photos or staples used in the bindings. A calendar of her choice. Deodorant and soap. Two 12″x 12″ towels. Hand sanitizer in a plastic bottle. Toothpaste in plastic tube. Lipstick. Everything else will be supplied and counted.



One Response to “(Photo Edition) FBI Reports: Federal Jail Cell Being Repainted For Hillary”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Nov 5th, 2016

    Barack “Liar in Chief” Obama, who knew all about corrupt Hillary’s illegal home email server years ago, should get cell 3100?

    Then cells 3101-3199 could house all the other crooked Democratic political players, e.g. VP J. Biden, Huma A, A.Weiner, C. Mills, V. Jarrett, Moochelle O, H. Reid, N. Pelosi, etc.

    Will there be enough cells?

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