by Bargis on 04/11/16 at 6:42 am
Leavenworth, KS – (SatireWorld.com)
FBI sources have revealed to SatireWorld that a make-over is planned for a specific third-floor cell in the woman’s section of Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary in Kansas. The source says it’s planned to house Hillary Clinton after what they believe will be a quick trial due to the massive amount of evidence the Bureau has collected during its year-long criminal corruption investigation.
Cell 3099 has a new coat of prison-issue paint, a new reinforced toilet and sink combo, plus, due to her years in public service, she’ll receive a three level deluxe wall shelf. A government surplus black and white 17 inch TV set was donated by the Democratic Women’s Prison Ministries for Clinton’s personal use along with almost 22 of her most famous campaign speeches on several VCR tapes.
Warden Cecil Barnes told SatireWorld reporters that Clinton must earn good behavior points in order to receive a new prison-issue toilet seat and an increase in her allotted toilet paper rolls up to two per week. She can have no visitors for the first 30 days while in the reception area where she will undergo a vigorous training and education schedule. Barnes claims there is no merit to rumors that Clinton will be sharing a cell with Anthony Weiner.
Clinton will only be allowed to have certain personal items in her cell which will include….A personal photo or two. Up to three (3) magazines which must not contain any suggestive photos or staples used in the bindings. A calendar of her choice. Deodorant and soap. Two 12″x 12″ towels. Hand sanitizer in a plastic bottle. Toothpaste in plastic tube. Lipstick. Everything else will be supplied and counted.