Trump Signs Four Executive Orders in His Sleep

by on 23/06/17 at 11:56 am

Sources say one of the Executive Orders was to remove Anthony Weiner's breathing tube.

Sources say one of the Executive Orders was to remove Anthony Weiner’s breathing tube.


President Trump is in the zone. He’s come out of the gate at full speed during his first week in office. Following a flurry of executive orders that were needed to begin repairing the damage that was the Obama presidency, Trump is a dynamo.

So much so, that House Speaker Paul Ryan announced the president signed four more executive orders in his sleep last night. It’s well known that the president only sleeps a few hours each night, and it doesn’t seem that even his down time slows him down.

“I won’t say which one it was,” Ryan said, “But the president signed one executive order this week while he was in the bathroom having his morning poop. That’s as much as I can tell you. You know, we’re used to twiddling our thumbs in between vacations on the Hill, so I’ve never seen anybody in government with his type of high energy.”

As he slept last night, Trump signed the following executive orders:

  • Banning former president Obama from every golf course – in all 57 of Obama’s states.
  • Trading the state of California to Mexico for Cabo Wabo, the entire Baja Peninsula, and two players to be named later.
  • Directing construction to begin immediately on adding his face to Mt. Rushmore.
  • Naming Skecher’s the official footwear company of the White House staff softball league.

There’s no telling what week 2 will bring, but it will involve a lot more winning. That’s for sure.


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