by Jon Worthington on 12/04/14 at 6:01 am
New York City – (satireworld.com)
America’s next generation of youngsters could be four-legged and might howl at the moon if millions of Gen-X female democrats have their way and avoid childbirth.
If you’re wondering why playgrounds around the city are so quiet and dog runs are packed, a new report has an answer: More and more female democrats are forgoing motherhood and getting their maternal kicks by owning handbag-size canines.
Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that a big drop in the number of babies born to democratic women ages 15 to 29 corresponds with a huge increase in the number of tiny pooches owned by young US women, says Dog Fancier magazine.
Dog-crazy New York ladies told Satireworld that they aren’t surprised by the findings — and that they happily gave up diaper changes, temper tantrums and college funds for the easy affection of their doggy “child.” According to Liz Fletcher, a 34 year old Manhattanite barista, ” It sorta goes with my lifestyle since I’ve loved doggie-style since age 13 anyway.”
“I’d rather have a dog over a kid anyday,” declared Sandy Bloom, 30, a Chelsea equities trader who says her French bulldog, Maddie, brings her more joy than a child. “It’s just less work and, honestly, I have more time to go out. You . . . don’t have to get a baby sitter. Plus, she’s easier to clean-up after. I just leave the poop-piles until they dry out then sweep them out on the balcony and let the wind blow them away!”
The federal data behind the report show that over the past seven years, the number of live births per 1,000 women between ages 15 and 29 in America has plunged 90 percent.
At the same time, research by the American Canine Products Association shows the number of small dogs — under 25 pounds — in the United States has skyrocketed, from 34. 1 million in 2008 to 140.8 million in 2012.