by Optic Nerve on 28/04/14 at 6:03 am
Copenhagen – (satireworld.com)
Esteemed scientist and 2008 Nobel Science Award recipient, Dr. Newton J. Blather, issued a startling warning to people everywhere about a disturbing event he has recorded over the past year…Women and their vaginas everywhere are cooling down due to global warming.
“Once, 98.6 to 100 deg F was considered a normal temperature for a women’s vagina, but today, temperatures of 72 – 66 deg F are fairly common!” Claims Dr. Blather.
Last year, a double-blind test was administered to over 2,000 Montreal University females in which Dr. Blather inserted a thermometer and recorded their vagina temperatures for up to three hours daily for six weeks.
In 1,994 women the temperature hovered between 70 deg F and 82 deg F! The other six women scored above 98.6 deg F and were immediately dated by Dr. Blather for, as he put it, further enhanced studies.
Al Gore contributed to the report with a report of his own in which he confirms Dr. Blather’s findings, “Yes, I totally agree…My ex-wife Tipper’s cooter has been below zero for the past 15 years!”
Dr. Blather also conducted tests for the National Science Foundation in Washington, DC. His findings were similar except when he tested Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Secretary Hillary Clinton…Both had vagina temperatures well below freezing!
Doctors everywhere have added credance to the report by remarking over the increase of blue balled male patients who have all the classic symptoms of early frost bite on their genitals.
Doctor Blather will be traveling to Hollywood to test Lindsay Lohan’s vagina and to publish the reports about women’s vagina temperatures while incarcerated.