Sperm Count Drop Among White British Males Alarms World Physicians

by on 28/04/14 at 6:29 am

Spoof editor Lowton claims sperm facials are preferred when visiting countries that have a historically high testosterone  level like Turkey or Nigeria.

Spoof editor Lowton claims sperm facials are preferred when visiting countries that have a historically high testosterone level like Turkey or Nigeria.


Manchester (UK) – (satireworld.com)

When it comes to sperm counts, those randy Englishmen aren’t what they used to be, according to a new national study that shows sperm production is almost non-existent among British males.

Researchers found that between 1989 and 2005, the number of sperm in one milliliter of the average 35-year-old Englishhman’s semen fell from about 74 million to about 2 million – a decrease of roughly 320 percent.

“That’s certainly within the abnormal range, but if you think about it, if there continues to be a decrease, we would expect that we’ll get into that infertile range,” said Corey Heinz, president of the Society for Male Reproduction and Urology in Birmingham, England.

And the English aren’t the only ones who should be concerned about a lack of healthy swimmers, say researchers who claim the French testosterone levels have decreased al most 64% since 1900.

“A decline in male reproduction endpoints has been suspected for several decades and is still debated all around the world. Geographical differences have been observed between countries, and between areas inside countries,” said Dr. Joëlle Le Moal, the study’s lead author from the Institut de Veille Sanitaire in France.

Le Moal and her colleagues write in the journal Human Reproduction that global analyses have found decreases in sperm counts, as did recent studies in Iran, Syria, Egypt, Iraq, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia. According to Le Moal, the rise of homosexuality is the main cause for reproductive in the Middle East.

“Those Jihadist’s are great at shooting off their guns, but when it comes to producing healthy sperm they’re just shooting blanks,” says Le Moal, who is in hiding after releasing her report critical of middle eastern men.

Heinz, who wasn’t involved with the new research, told US Health Today that he’s found similar results in a group of young sperm donors from France as well.

“Clearly if this type of decrease continues, we’re going to find that we’re going to have young Frenchmen who’ll have low sperm counts,” he said.

Social factors?

The researchers also found that there was an increase in the number of abnormally shaped sperm in Englishmen over the study period, which can also influence fertility.

Part of that finding, however, can be explained by scientists getting better at recognizing misshapen swimmers, but not all of it.

But why does it seem Englishmen are shooting more blanks than before?

Two recent studies have actually suggested that modern technology such as laptops may be capable of cooking sperm, but the new researchers suggest it could be also be other environmental factors, such as increased masturbation which is the number one ranked past time in England after, watching football, and drinking beer, and in most cases, is performed while drinking beer, and watching football.

But Le Moal said it’s also important to consider that men’s lifestyles may have changed over time. For example, British men are more homosexual oriented than they were in 1989, with fully 97% admitting they’ve had homosexual relationships, and the other 3% admitting they’re eager to try.

“I think it’s a combination of a lot of things,” said Centola, who added that it could be both environmental factors, diet, smoking, alcohol intake, and of course, rampent homsexuality.

The upside is, donated sperm from countries such as the US and Canada is more virilent and the booming import of foreign sperm is helping keep English birth rates at near normal levels.

“Those Yanks have strong manly little swimmers,” says Alice Crosby, a 24 year old receptionist from London, who is pregnant via invertro fertilization. Crosby says she bought the sperm online from eBay for $15.00 US.

The Spoof. com editor Mark Lowton blames his low sperm count on another reason, “Well, I feel it’s fairly simple why mine is so low…I just don’t swallow as much as I use to!”



3 Responses to “Sperm Count Drop Among White British Males Alarms World Physicians”

  1. captain america

    Apr 28th, 2014

    …lets not discount those nasty bicycle seats while peddling your arse off across London and the femininity of the national pass time: SOCCER with all them boys running around and their breath coming in
    SHORT PANTS!

  2. Bargis

    May 1st, 2014

    Hey Skoob!
    How’s the head feeling these days?

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