by Molon Labe on 07/09/14 at 7:17 am
Moscow, Russia – (satireworld.com)
Is US President Barack Obama a dickhead? Well, forensic scientists in Moscow seem to believe so and have released medical files as proof, some dating back to 2000 that reportedly show Barack Obama’s unique cranial cerebellum composition.
“There’s a visible penis inside his skull,” says Dr. Dimitri Plagonoff, an ex-KGB forensic scientist who published a peer reviewed paper in 1979 describing Jimmy Carter’s ‘spinal deficit.’ Almost a year later the Carter diagnosis was proved correct when in retaliation to the Soviet Union’s invasion of Afghanistan, Carter amused the world by pulling all US athletes from the 1980 Moscow Olympics in protest, while 100% of the world sent their competitors to Moscow, ignoring the aggression by Soviet forces that lead to the full collapse of the Soviet empire two years later as the last Soviet troops pulled out of Afghanistan.
Dr. Plagonoff showed xray images of Obama’s skull that were taken after a bicycling accident in late 2000 before a need for a riding helmet was mandated by the secret service. “You can see the rather large penis taking up the space where a normal brain would be. In fact, it seems to be controlling most neuron functions that a normal brain would control with the exception of activities like chewing gum and walking.”
Several sources have claimed that Vladimir Putin has promised to release the xray images if the US invades Russia, or in any way tampers with it’s claims in the Ukraine. So far, US involvement has been ‘low key’ and many consider the medical proof to be legitimate and compromising.
An odd conversation between Michelle Obama and Barbara Walters during a 2008 campaign spot on the TV show ‘The View’ has recently been re-examined. A segment of the interview shows the future first lady laughingly claiming that ‘her husband’ drooled excessively and complained of migraine headaches when he became sexually aroused. At the time it was laughed off as a ‘misquote,’ but with today’s medical revelations some credence has been given to the once secret Russian report.
More news at 11!