Revolutionary New Cloning Process Allows Santa To Deliver A Lingerie Model To Every Teenage Boy This Christmas
by Bargis Tryhol on 14/12/14 at 8:58 am
North Pole – (satireworld.com)
After promising a ‘stocking-stuffer like no other…And actually in a real pair of stockings,’ Santa Claus announced today the new cloning process will allow him to fulfill every male teenagers sexual dream for next Christmas too.
The fabled North Pole Christmas factory had been working overtime to complete the world’s first cloned and mass produced Santa’s Secret Angels – a complete line of live, sexy lingerie model girls.
Where once the desires of a hormone imbalanced teenaged male could only be titthered about with friends, it has now become a reality as hundreds of thousands of ‘Dear Santa’ letters poured in from around the world in care of the North Pole soon after the announcement from Santa was broadcast.
‘Dear Santa, Even though I’m not a teen could you please send me a buxom blonde! P/S Please wrap it like a bike so my wife doesn’t open it!’ Thanks, Captain America – SC
‘Dear Santa, Please send me my very own Santa’s Secret Angel. Ever since Mum caught me wanking and glued my hands together I need some help!’ Evil Williams – Texas
‘Dear Santa, Please send one that has a red beanie with a propeller on top and takes D size batteries. Thanks. MikeyMike – Chicago, ILL P/S Please remove the auto-PMS option.
‘Dear Santa, Do you have guy Angels? If so, please send a real hairy one on Christmas.’ Richard Simmons, LA
‘Dear Santa, Do you have one with a bottle opener atached?’ Harold Worth- Portsmouth, UK
‘Dear Santa, Would you please send me a Santa’s Secret Angel that has big tits and has her own comic books.’ Jalapenoman – New Mexico
‘Dear Santa, please send me a real padded Secret Angel I can punch every once in awhile just for fun.’ Anonymous, Springfield, IL
‘Dear Santa, please include a real nice Ed Brown .45 pistol along with my model. You know how much I like shooting with a buddy.’ B.Tryhol, Orlando, FL
‘Dear Santa, make sure mine isn’t some libtard model you had left over from the Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Look-a-like contest I attended last fall or I just might take that fillie hog hunting if you get my drift.’ Walter Bucket – Dumpster, KY
‘Dear Santa, If’n youse can, I reckon I’d just love having one with crotchless britches.’ Throckmorton. B. Turdblossom-CSA
‘Dear Santa, please send on that can cook, loves Lawrence Welk reruns, and pull weeds. Yours truly Philbert – Maryland
Parents around the globe are in a quandry about another mouth to feed after the special Christmas day gift arrived. The reality of hungry teens ravishingly attacking the pantry after a romp fest of sexual desires that are finally unleashed in the wee morning hours, caused concerns for many cash-strapped Moms and Dads.
“Not to worry,” says Santa in a pre-Christmas interview. “The unigue part of this break-through cloning process is that Angels survive on nothing but peppermint candy and water.”
In anticipation, the Acme Peppermint factory has added a third shift and is expected to be busy for the next 35 years.