Boy Who Received Real Victoria Secret Model For Christmas Upset Over Where To Place The Batteries

by on 25/12/14 at 8:19 am

According to Santa's website..."Santa personally makes sure each model is fully charged before delivering them."

According to Santa’s website…”Santa personally makes sure each model is fully charged before delivering them.”

...as far as batteries. Well, he does have a really cool flashlight now!

…as far as batteries. Well, Kevin does have a really cool flashlight now!

Finally, Kevin had a better time 'doing guy' things with a few older friends.

Finally, Kevin had a better time ‘doing guy’ things with a few older friends.

Buffalo, NY-(SatireWorld.com)

Kevin Bey seems the normal 15 year old. He likes football, computer games, watching TV, and writing silly little stories that give his sister laughs. Most would say he was just a normal kid with a big imagination. He certainly had enough friends to keep him company and play sports with. But that all changed on Christmas day when he was ‘one of the world’s luckiest boys’ who received one of 500 real live Victoria Secret models for Christmas as a special gift from Santa!

By his own admission little Kevin never, ever kissed a girl before in his life, and on Christmas morning he found himself in bed, in his own room, the door locked, and with a beautiful brunette clad in sexy undies! It was pleasure beyond imagination. It was cold fear without any boundaries too.

Kevin Bey was now in a quandry.

He didn’t know how to ‘get things started’ and was afraid to say anything to ‘Angie the model’ that would be considered foolish or childish. So he talked about TV shows, sports, his dog Buddy, and his sister Eloise. But as time wore on he knew he had to get it started.

So he simply asked her outright, ‘Angie, where do I put the batteries in at?’

Aghast that she ended up with the King of Nerds, Angie grabbed a robe and quickly fled the house as Kevin diligently searched for three ‘D’ size batteries and a flashlight.

Within days, the story of hapless Kevin went viral.

Names were named and poor Kevin couldn’t face his friends in school any longer or even walk down his own street without taunting cat-calls following him….’Hey nerd-ski!’ ‘Stick a battery up yer kazoo dumbo!’ ‘Bet you drive a Chevy Volt too!’ ‘did you look for instructions dildo?’

Kevin, acting in desperation, finally enrolled in the Don Palladino School of Homosexuality and Advanced Faggotry and after some hard work got his diploma too! Now little Kevin can walk in pride knowing those ‘secret women things’ are best kept to themseves.

NOTE: Due to an overwhelming outcry from mature males, Santa has agreed in the future to only supply the models to older guys and to give the ‘little guys’ a coloring book and a dozen autographed Satire World.com stories. To be on next year’s list call 1-888-Santa-Fantasy



One Response to “Boy Who Received Real Victoria Secret Model For Christmas Upset Over Where To Place The Batteries”

  1. Captain america

    Dec 25th, 2014

    ….things didn’t get any better for Kevin after he refused advances from his 9th grade 32 year old English teacher, mother of 4, who sent him nude text messages, and couldn’t keep her hands off him in detention…he finally turned her in to authorities which led to more ridicule from his horny peers…..when last heard from Kevin was addicted to Dork Porn on an UK porn csite that encourages multiculturalism and diversity in sex partners…..he did forward the teachers’s email and a sample of her naked pictures to J-man who has started a correspondence disguised as a 14 year old weightlifter and varsity wrestler from a New Mexico high school specializing in
    erections lasting ore than a semester…..more if Jman gets any…..

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