by Benny the Basket on 25/12/14 at 8:19 am
Kevin Bey seems the normal 15 year old. He likes football, computer games, watching TV, and writing silly little stories that give his sister laughs. Most would say he was just a normal kid with a big imagination. He certainly had enough friends to keep him company and play sports with. But that all changed on Christmas day when he was ‘one of the world’s luckiest boys’ who received one of 500 real live Victoria Secret models for Christmas as a special gift from Santa!
By his own admission little Kevin never, ever kissed a girl before in his life, and on Christmas morning he found himself in bed, in his own room, the door locked, and with a beautiful brunette clad in sexy undies! It was pleasure beyond imagination. It was cold fear without any boundaries too.
Kevin Bey was now in a quandry.
He didn’t know how to ‘get things started’ and was afraid to say anything to ‘Angie the model’ that would be considered foolish or childish. So he talked about TV shows, sports, his dog Buddy, and his sister Eloise. But as time wore on he knew he had to get it started.
So he simply asked her outright, ‘Angie, where do I put the batteries in at?’
Aghast that she ended up with the King of Nerds, Angie grabbed a robe and quickly fled the house as Kevin diligently searched for three ‘D’ size batteries and a flashlight.
Within days, the story of hapless Kevin went viral.
Names were named and poor Kevin couldn’t face his friends in school any longer or even walk down his own street without taunting cat-calls following him….’Hey nerd-ski!’ ‘Stick a battery up yer kazoo dumbo!’ ‘Bet you drive a Chevy Volt too!’ ‘did you look for instructions dildo?’
Kevin, acting in desperation, finally enrolled in the Don Palladino School of Homosexuality and Advanced Faggotry and after some hard work got his diploma too! Now little Kevin can walk in pride knowing those ‘secret women things’ are best kept to themseves.
NOTE: Due to an overwhelming outcry from mature males, Santa has agreed in the future to only supply the models to older guys and to give the ‘little guys’ a coloring book and a dozen autographed Satire World.com stories. To be on next year’s list call 1-888-Santa-Fantasy