West Coast ‘Big One’ Just Months Away Says Experts

by on 18/05/15 at 8:06 am

Scientist Stephen Hawkins says the 'Big One' will cause a whole lotta shaking.

Scientist Stephen Hawkins says the ‘Big One’ will be like ‘a plate of Jell-O on Gwenth Paltrow’s waterbed.’

San Francisco, CA – (satireworld.com)

A new environmental report blames automobiles for the rise in Tectonic activity mainly in the Pacific rim, and at various locations along the eastern seaboard of the US. Advisories have been forwarded to the US West Coast in anticipation of the ‘Big One’ which is expected to strike in the next few months.

Theorists have estimated the amount of automobiles and heavy trucks that have been added to emerging economic countries like India, China, Taiwan, Japan, So. Korea, Indonesia, and western So. America are causing Edderson Energy Wave stresses on the Earth’s surface.
These applied stresses are transmitted in such a manner that the actual energy that’s amplified through a vehicle’s braking system is being transmitted directly into the Earth’s tectonic plates through the rather thin crust that overlays the fault lines.

“If you take the mechanical braking actions of several million vehicles, each weighing tons, all in a simultaneous application, the eWave factor that is transmitted into the Earth is enormous. Multiply that by hundreds of thousands of similar actions over the course of a single day and you can see that this is a major problem when viewed globally.” Claims Cal-Tech professor Roger Lambstrom.

According to the report, a single Toyota Corolla exerts 1,900 ft pounds of energy when stopping at 35 MPH. This energy is a combination of vehicle energy-speed-mass that is transferred directly into the braking energy needed to stop the vehicle. This transfer of applied energy is forced into the Earth on each stopping procedure.

Other objects that transmit similar energy are glacial activities. The weight of millions of tons of ice fed by gravitational forces add stress induced eWaves into regional Tectonic plates. The one place on Earth where glacial activity is still advancing are the Andes Mountains, and the Himalaya Mountains. Each are approximate to each other and have acted as a counter-balance in eWave forces.

With the addition of modern autos and trucks to countries where economic fortunes have been on the upswing for the past 40 years, the canceling balance of the Asian and So. American glaciers by these new additional eWave forces has caused Pacific plate movement to increase. Earthquakes and volcanic activity has shown a remarkable increase over the past 30 years and this trend is unique in Earth’s geological history and is tied to the surge in new automobile ownership in previous developing countries.

Environmentalist Al Gore has weighed in on the new information and claims people are mainly at fault. “Especially overweight people who jog, use skateboards, or engage in other physical activities like hot nookie events.”

Scientists agree that the added motion is adding to the Earth’s crust stresses and will eventually cause some Tectonic plate activity.

Gore also added that millions of years ago, Tectonic plate separation, also known as ‘continental drift’ where the present day North American continent separated from the African continent was caused by an over population of fat Africans.

According to Gore, “They have addressed that situation over the past million or so years by promoting famines, tribal warfare, and quickly shedding excess pounds from running away from slave traders.”

Gore wants to ban some foods and all cars weighing over 900 lbs in order to save the environment and has launched a 15-state bus tour to promote his vision.

Gore also remarked about the recurrence of another earthquake in areas that almost never experience tremors like the Washington, DC earthquake several years ago….” That earthquake was attributed to the ‘Bush’s Fault Line’ by the Obama Administration and might happen again.”

In lieu of the recent revelations, scientists at prestigious Cal-Tech have suggested Hollywood explore the idea of a new TV reality show about California sliding into the Pacific ocean.

One Response to “West Coast ‘Big One’ Just Months Away Says Experts”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    May 18th, 2015

    President Obama will make a speech in the White House Rose Garden today, changing the number 1 threat to the USA from Climate Change to his erectile dysfunction policies.

    The Obama administration has been screwing around in Washington DC for almost 7 years with no firm results.

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