Josh Earnest Says ‘White House Hasn’t Discounted Using Nukes To Combat ISIS’

by on 16/06/15 at 7:31 am

A US B-52 bomber can drop up to 120 nuclear bombs in a maneuver known as 'flying carpet bombing'

A US B-52 bomber can drop up to 120 small-sized nuclear bombs in a maneuver known as ‘flying carpet bombing’


Sources say participation by civilians can be expected as the Pentagon has mulled selling reserved seating to various attack sites once safety precautions are worked out.

Sources say participation by civilians is expected as the Pentagon has mulled selling reserved seating to various attack sites once safety precautions are worked out.


Showing rare emotion, Josh Earnesty describes in detail how a 500 mega ton high-yield nuclear device detonation would fry eyeballs and fuse skin of ISIS fighters from as far away as 20 miles. "It will definitely get their attention," says Earnest.

Showing rare emotion, Josh Earnest laughingly describes in detail how a 500 mega ton high-yield nuclear device detonation would fry eyeballs and fuse skin of ISIS fighters from as far away as 20 miles. “It will definitely get their attention,” says Earnest. The White House promised ‘real time viewing’ for TV stations so citizens can watch the bombs go off when the time comes.


Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

In the wake of a surprise announcement from the White House over the re-deployment of 450 US troops to Anbar Province in Iraq, Press Secretary Josh Earnest was quoted as saying the President has finally come up with a strategy to combat ISIS which includes using B-52 bombers and strategic nuclear weapons from America’s nuclear arsenal.

For over a year, the Obama Administration has taken eroticism over the lack of a credible plan to eliminate ISIS which has taken over 90% of the largest cities in Iraq. Loss of ground in the war has given the Administration a black eye in the wake of billion of dollars spent on re-building Iraq.

In the past year, Iraqi government forces have lost 2,500 Humvees, and over 17,000 artillery pieces to ISIS. Many simply abandoned on the battlefield and most weapons were un-fired. The cost to US taxpayers is estimated to be in the billions of dollars, plus the use of American weapons against civilians has been a major embarrassment for the White House.

Sources say nuclear weapons make good sense since the battlefields are mostly desert and uninhabited, plus burials will be at a minimum for cleanup crews since rapid incineration of ISIS fighters is expected after an air burst attack. Several Administration staffers say nuclear tourism would flourish in that area in about 150 centuries and would be a boon to the local economy.

“We figure we can annihilate almost 35,000 ISIS troops and vast amounts of weapons with just one blast,” says General Marcus Kern, a staffer with the Pentagons Strategic Planning Office.

The White House had the usual ‘no comment’ after reporters asked the President when he might authorize an attack.



One Response to “Josh Earnest Says ‘White House Hasn’t Discounted Using Nukes To Combat ISIS’”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Jun 16th, 2015

    The second choice is Obama’s six years of smelly BULLSHIT bomb.

Leave a Reply