by E. Williams on 01/10/15 at 4:40 am
LOS ANGELES – (satireworld.com)
A scientific breakthrough has given tens of millions of conservatives a glimmer of hope – it may soon be possible to completely forget Barack Obama was ever elected President of the United States in the first place. This current reality, in which a community organizer has brought shame on the greatest country in the world, has been a hardship that millions of Americans have had to endure for seven long years.
The new technology sounds like the real hope and change many have sought for a long time. Sensory inputs to the brain create complex electrical signals, known as spike trains, which travel through the memory part of the brain, according to Science & Environment magazine. The Obama spike train went off the rails years ago.
The memory implants use a process involving algorithms that re-encode these spike trains several times so they have a different electrical signature by the time they’re ready to become stored as long-term memories. The technological advance is the first step in helping Americans feel that they are living in a country where there is still a measure of common sense in our lives, and it will be like the Obama presidency never happened in the first place. The implant will also erase all painful memories of First Lady Michelle too.
Successful laboratory tests have been conducted on animals, and now experimental implants are being placed in the brains of Democratic low-information voters who wouldn’t know the difference anyway. In these experiments, nothing affects the patient’s memories of the Kardashians, so they aren’t even aware they are being experimented on. As long as the Kardashian memory stream goes on undisturbed, the only reality they care about will go on without any perceivable changes.
Conservatives are thrilled at the prospect of being able to completely forget the Obama presidency, and the procedure already has a two-year waiting list once the implants hit the market. The Obama memories will be replaced by memories of a generic, but competent, leader who actually loves America.