Hope For Bernie Saunders Supporters As Science Develops Drop-in Mini Brains

by on 16/02/16 at 6:49 am

In a recent flyover on his Unicorn dust powered broom, Bernie promised that in addition to 'free college tuition for all' he'll also give free drop-in mini brains away to all Millennial voters.

In a recent flyover on his Unicorn dust powered broom, Bernie promised that in addition to ‘free college tuition for all’ he’ll also give free drop-in mini brains away to all Millennial voters.


Small but effective, the drop-in mini brain will help debilitated Saunders supports complete simple tasks like flush a toilet and walk and chew gum at the same time.

Small but effective, the drop-in mini brain will help debilitated Saunders supports complete simple tasks like flush a toilet and walk and chew gum at the same time.

Scientists have also figured out a way to securely keep the small spherical mini-brain in the skull in case the user sneezes.

Scientists have also figured out a way to securely keep the small spherical mini-brain in the skull in case the user sneezes.


The small mini-brains can be easily inserted by the user (photo) and helps sufferers complete simple tasks like safely cross a street by distinguishing red lights from green lights,

The small mini-brains can be easily inserted by the user (photo) and helps sufferers complete simple tasks like safely cross a street by distinguishing red lights from green lights,


Popular liberal film maker Michael Moore use to tell friends he 'kept his hat on to keep his brains inside' can now go hat-less and carry a back-up supply of mini-brains in his wallet which he keeps tethered to his belt with a short chain.

Popular liberal film maker Michael Moore once told close friends he ‘kept his hat on to keep his brains inside’ can now go hat-less and carry a back-up supply of mini-brains in his wallet which he always keeps tethered to his belt with a short chain.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

Tiny, rolling balls of brain cells knocking around in a lab may one day help keep Bernie Saunders supporters from losing their place while reading the back of cereal boxes, staring at shiny objects, and other attention robbing activities that quickly spiral out of control causing deeply troubling illusions of winning an election using promises and an agenda that became stale back in 1917.

The small cellular balls act like mini-brains, mimicking aspects of the real thing, including forming noggin-like structures and pulsing with weak electrical signals like a thinking mind, researchers reported Friday at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Democratic Science in Washington. The mini-brains, which can be personalized based on whose cells they’re made from, may soon help scientists study a wide variety of diseases and health problems like liberalism, socialism, communism, and general core issue apathy that afflicts millions of citizens who claim their politics slants to the left.

“The troubling antics of the left during an election year siphons off valuable resources and adds to the general confusion of many,” says Dr. Alfred Bartowiz PHD the ZET Medical Corporation who treats thousands of depressed and suicidal liberals who seek treatment after every national election. “They have such high hopes at the begining that voters will somehow turn stupid during every election that the predictable but dismal outcome of rejection for many is too much for them to bear.”

“Besides psychotherapy here are a variety of places where a mini brain could be useful,” said Blaine Williams of New Brain Pharmaceuticals Inc. “In some cases, they could offer relief to the millions of responsible citizens who have to listen to these Saunders supporters talk loopy political policy like it’s the 1930’s.”

Researchers who developed the wee brain noodles, led by Dennis Clam MD hope to have the mini-brains commercially available this year in a vending machine package that can be cheaply purchased and given to a brainless Bernie-bot on the spot and avoid endless hours of listening to ideas that even ex-communist Vladimir Putin finds ridiculous.

But, right now, Dr, Clam cautions, “I’m selling hopes,” as the mini-brains are brand new and haven’t been proven totally useful yet especially in the regressive state of libal-minded individuals who often require shock therapy to kick-start the thinking process.

Still, many researchers at the conference were equally enthused about their potential. After presenting at the meeting, Hartung is now in talks to use the mini brains to help liberals with simple tasks such as folding a napkin and tying their shoes.



One Response to “Hope For Bernie Saunders Supporters As Science Develops Drop-in Mini Brains”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Feb 16th, 2016

    Obama gave Chris Matthews a tingle up his left leg, but Hillary gives Chris a woody!

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