US Researchers Find New Elements

by on 06/10/16 at 6:35 am

A recent specroanalyses revealed the Pelosium atoms run around in circles for most of its life.

A recent spectral-analyses by Livermore researchers revealed the Pelosium atoms run around in circles for most of its short life.

One volunteer subject was injected with a gram of Pelosium and babbled on about nonsense for almost 72 hours before shriveling up and turning into a ball of dust.

One volunteer subject was injected with a gram of Pelosium and babbled on about nonsense for almost 72 hours before shriveling up and turning into a ball of dust.


Creedmore, CA – (satireworld.com)

Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified with certainty the heaviest element known to science.

The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.



One Response to “US Researchers Find New Elements”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 7th, 2016

    Bravo, Bravo Myron!

    Pelosium also forms a soft, smelly, brown precipitate when a small amount is dissolved in alcohol.

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