Family Members Consider Having Rosie O’Donnell Fixed

by on 06/10/18 at 2:32 pm



Cousin  Roberta Hayes claims Rosie 'sometimes smells  strongly of  wet, musty testes.'.....Especially after trying to kick-start one of her troublesome vibrators.

Cousin Roberta Hayes claims Rosie ‘sometimes smells strongly of wet, musty testes.’…..Especially after trying to kick-start one of her troublesome vibrators.

Dingleberry Falls, Connecticut – (

Family members, who have all desired to remain anonymous, have admitted that they are considering having Rosie O’Donnell fixed.  “Rosie has been peeing on the furniture and gnawing on table legs and snapping at people, ” admitted one relative.  “She also feels the need to bend herself into weird positions and lick her crotch in front of company.  We just need to try to calm her down and get her to stop humping everyone’s legs… and the vet suggested that maybe cutting off her balls might help decrease her aggression.”

Rosie O’Donnell is a former stand up comedian, actress, talk show host, and political activist with an inability to keep her mouth shut.  Since coming out of the closet, she has become a rabid lesbian with an even bigger attitude (and ass).

Said one relative, “we used to love being around Cousin Rosie.  Then in the mid-90’s, she made a movie called Exit to Eden where she ran around in lingerie.  No men in the whole country seemed to notice her and nobody got turned on by the sight of her in leather carrying a whip… and I think that started her slide.  If normal people didn’t like or want her, she wasn’t going to like or want them.”

“After that, she went from being funny and kind spirited to being vulgar and mean spirited.  The rest of the actions and attitudes have slowly followed.  The constant weight gain is something we can live with but is probably another side effect.

Family members admit that they have tried the sour apple spray on the furniture to keep her off of it and have even used plastic covers.  “We sometimes slap her with a rolled up newspaper to get her attention, but it never does any good.  She still nips at everyone’s ankles and just won’t stop barking at anybody who comes to her house.  We don’t let her come into our place anymore and make her stay in the backyard.”

“It has been politically correct to like Rosie, and so people pretend to love her… though they are really just enduring her.”

One veterinarian that was interviewed said that “sometimes getting them fixed doesn’t work on old dogs, because they are so set in their ways.  Saying that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks is really true.”

The vet also said that he plans on taking care of Rosie’s annual rabies, distemper, and parvo shots at the same time.

2 Responses to “Family Members Consider Having Rosie O’Donnell Fixed”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 6th, 2018

    Rosie O’Donnell is like dropping itching powder on a nudist colony!

  2. Jalapenoman

    Oct 6th, 2018

    Everyone in the nudist colony would poke their eyes out of Rosie showed up!

Leave a Reply