Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”(Monday Edition)
by Throckmorton P. Turdblossom on 19/12/11 at 6:05 am
"If'n you ask me about football, I say....To make that there game more interestin' I say just pay the winners of each game!"
The Miami Dolphins fired Tony Sparano as their head coach because they are 4-9 this season. Why did they do this?
Ed Earl Budd Tractorpost, Florida
Dear Ed Earl,
It’s all because they won too many games.
Everyone knows the Dolphins stink, but they didn’t stink bad enough. They were supposed to “suck for Luck” this year and get Andrew Luck in the NFL draft.
Then, their coach went out and actually let three teams suck more than they did (the Colts, the Vikings, and the Cardinals).
To make it worse, he put togethe a five game stretch where they actually won four of them! How can you expect to get the first pick in the draft when you have a winning streak?
The coach did it to himself.
He was going good and doing right to lose his first seven games, but then ego got to him and he had to go off and win some. Now they are going to get stuck with the 4th pick in the draft and will probably end up with some nobody from someplace like U.T.E.P. (or another worthless Conference U.S.A. joke of a player).
If Sparano had kept losing, he would have kept his job.
TPT
Today’s Observation From Throckmorton P. Turdblossom: The older I get, the more I realize something about football. At halftime, we don’t care about the bands anymore, just show us the cheerleaders.
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom
Dec 19th, 2011
This column was writ last week. Yesterday, them Dolphins won again with their interim head coach. Guess he can’t figure out how to “Suck for Luck” either.
The Colts, who were winless, won one yesterday too. I guess their coach wants to get fired. The two win Vikings are starting to like thier chances of getting the first pick and are sure to lose their last couple of games.