Ohio State Coach Urban Meyer Says He Doesn’t Plan on Punching Clemson Players in Orange Bowl Game

by on 31/12/13 at 12:08 pm

Well, we did have Woody Hayes....

Well, we did have Woody Hayes….

Miami, FL – (SatireWorld.com)

The last time Ohio State played against Clemson in a Florida Bowl Game, it was 35 years ago and Buckeye coach Woody Hayes attempted to cold cock a Tiger player. The 1978 Gator Bowl is most famous as the last game of College Football Hall of Fame coach Hayes and the one where he punched a Clemson defensive player after he sealed an Ohio State loss with a late interception. Hayes was fired by the school on the flight home, ending his coaching career.

Current Ohio State coach Urban Meyer said that he doesn’t have any current plans to punch out any Clemson players, but that the move may be a “game time decision.” Said Meyer, “Woody was a barrel chested guy and a former soldier in WWII. I’m just a tall, skinny guy and some people think I’m a football nerd. If I want to get my licks in on a football player, it would probably have to be against a place kicker or punter or maybe even their waterboy.”

Ghost Hunters plan to be at the game, however, as this year is the 100th anniversary of the birth of Hayes. John Specter said “we have all of our monitors and meters and everything ready as we expect the spirit of Woody to make some type of appearance.”

Tajh Boyd, All American starting quarterback for Clemson, said that he isn’t afraid. “The Buckeye defense ain’t gonna touch me and there ain’t no way some ghost is gonna touch me neither. I am too fast and my offensive line is too good to let that happen. Who cares if the ghost of a 100 year old white dude is trying to get in on playing the Knockout Game? Besides, even if he did get a lick in, he’s a ghost! I wouldn’t feel nothing anyway. What’s he gonna do, slime me?”

Clemson coach Dabo Sweeney refused to be interviewed for this article, saying that (like the Wizard of Oz character) he did not believe in spooks. “I’m a Clemson Tiger, not the Cowardly Lion.”

Number 7 Ohio State plays against number 12 Clemson in Friday’s BCS Orange Bowl game.

3 Responses to “Ohio State Coach Urban Meyer Says He Doesn’t Plan on Punching Clemson Players in Orange Bowl Game”

  1. Bargis

    Dec 31st, 2013

    good one….

  2. captain america

    Dec 31st, 2013

    ….agreed! After i saw the headline I thought Abel had joined the

  3. Jalapenoman

    Dec 31st, 2013

    Thanks for the nice words. This was a fun one to write.

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