by E. Williams on 06/05/14 at 7:37 pm
Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com)
In light of the lifetime ban placed upon Donald Sterling, owner of the LA Clippers, after his recent racist remarks, fans of the Dallas Cowboys football team have come together in prayer hoping their sorry-ass owner, Jerry Jones, will open his big mouth and say something that will get him banned for life too.
“This may be just the loophole we’ve been hoping for all these years!” an excited Tom Laundry exclaimed. “If that idiot could just be caught on tape one time saying something stupid we could finally rid ourselves of his massive ego and move forward as a team.”
Jones has been hated for decades now by millions of Cowboys fans for his constant meddling and micro-managing the team’s affairs instead of letting the coaches and team personnel figure out the best way to produce a winning team.
“If Jones would say something so terrible that he would be ostracized by the world and afraid to leave his own home ever again, then yes, I would come back and root for the Cowboys again.” Emily Miller fondly imagined. She had been a lifetime Cowboys fan but gave up on the team 10 years ago in frustration over Jones’ antics.
Miller, an attractive blonde, even pledged to wear a wire and come on to the owner in an attempt to try to get him to say something racist she could catch on tape. “It would make my skin crawl to do it,” she said, “But I would take one for the team if that’s what it takes to get rid of that butthole.”
Fans, coaches and even players have gathered outside the stadium to hold a candlelight prayer vigil tonight in hopes that Jones will put his foot in his mouth as soon as possible.