Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “Disgraced Former World Cup Official Spotted at Latest Games”

by on 18/06/14 at 4:05 pm

Shuttlecock was famous for ball stealing just when an opponent was most unaware....In fact, Shuttlecock was good at defeating any underwear!

Shuttlecock was famous for ball stealing just when an opponent was most unaware….In fact, Shuttlecock was good at defeating any underwear!

(Brazil) – (satireworld.com)

As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of the games and in the locker rooms and hotels with the players, I will be covering the human interest stories from the fans, the players, and the citizens and residents of Brazil.

Twenty years ago, Martin Shuttlecock became notorious world wide as the man who potentially changed the outcome of the World Cup. This was the first and only FIFA World Cup tournament ever played in the United States, and it was also the one where the final was decided on penalty kicks (with Brazil winning over Italy.

With three minutes left in the match in regulation play, Shuttlecock was near the Brazilian-defended goal. Italy was driving and had the momentum. A ball was passed by one Italian player at the right side of the goal to an open Italian player at the left side of the goal. At that moment, as he tried to rush from one side of the box to the other, the Brazilian goalie slipped and went down.

Shuttlecock turned and made a move for the goalie, putting himself between the Italian Player, Diego Marchese, and the box. Diego shot, but the ball bounced off of Martin’s back. The ball bounced to a Brazilian player and the Brazilian team moved the ball down the court. Had Martin Shuttlecock been in his correct position, it would have been an Italian goal. Italy most probably would have won the match and the tournament.

Now, twenty years later, Martin Shuttlecock has decided to speak and tell the world what happened on that day.

“I had been watching the Brazilian goalie as he had a nice smile and a really big package. I noticed that he had also been making eyes at me during the match. It was pretty obvious from the bulge in his shorts that he wasn’t wearing an athletic supporter as John Thomas and the twins were flopping around a lot.”

“When he slipped, I noticed that his one eyed trouser snake had slipped out of his tighty whiteys and was playing peek-a-boo with the crowd. I was rushing to tuck it back in and save him embarrassment (and ask for his phone number and hotel room) when the ball hit me on the back of the head.”

Martin admits that when he should have been watching the ball, he was trying to score a little hand ball!

Shuttlecock became a pariah in Italy and among European soccer leagues, while he has long been celebrated as a hero in Brazil. Yesterday, he was spotted with his same sex partner, former Brazilian goalie Juan Castro, at a World Cup match in Rio de Janeiro.

Shuttlecock, naturally, was given a standing ovation by the home crowd. He ignored that as he was checking out the packages of the players on both teams.

Harold Worth, Live from South America

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